1- Throw my shoe at annoying people at the gym…while running on the treadmill.
2- Flip the plate of anyone who chews with their mouth open. They deserve to have a lapful of lo mein, onlookers be damned.
3- Yell at children to STFU when I’m trying to talk to their parents.
4- Defriend anyone who has ever left me a voicemail.
5- Tell people who constantly talk about how #blessed they are that, in fact, this statement often comes off as superior and condescending.