Top 5 Commuters Who Should Just Disappear

1- The a-hole who sits spread eagle with his (already large) frame. Usually seen taking up 3/4 of the only available bench. Go you-know-what yourself dude.

2- The panicky rico suave who freaks if someone steps on his precious shoes. If they were that nice, you wouldn’t be on the train…mmmk?

3- Anyone who eats anything remotely resembling food. It’s like watching someone eat in the bathroom…Heebiejeebies.

4- The Metrocard fumbler…I don’t care if you have to duck under the turnstile, when that train is coming you better MOVE son!

5- The perv. There’s one on every train and it never gets less awkward or creepy. Blegh!

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Top 5 Rules of Working Life

1- Always be polite and graceful in the elevator. You never know who is coming up to your floor.

2- Don’t forget the therapeutic power of a lunch break. Stopping this time-honored tradition is a slippery slope to crazyville.

3- Wear comfortable shoes…at least on your way there. You can thank me later.

4- Keep an umbrella at the office. And floss. These are two things you never appreciate until they’re gone.

5- Don’t flirt with coworkers. Like ever. It’s unbecoming for all involved. 

Top 5 Signs You’ve Started A New Job

1- You iron/steam your clothes every day.

2- You arrive at least ten minutes early in the morning.

3- You scoff at all of those job search emails you keep receiving.

4- You have never been more excited about scheduling a dental appointment.

5- You have no clue what is going on around you.

Top 5 Signs You’re Job Searching

1- You have an exceptionally clean Facebook profile.

2- The word Taleo brings chills to your spine.

3- You have two outfits: interview professional and slob.

4- You have a complex about your résumé…is it enough? is it too much? what do they want?!

5- You actually answer random phone calls.

Top 5 Things I Learned in Vegas

1- You can bedazzle anything…and I mean anything.

2- Head-to-toe lycra is alive and well…time to fish out the clubwear from 2004!!

3- Gambling is stupid. I lost $60 in 15 minutes and will never do it again.

4- Quoting The Hangover never really does get old.

5- What happens in Vegas…gets Instagrammed. New slogan, ya’ll?

Top 5 Reasons I Didn’t Blog

1- I went to Vegas and was too busy searching high and low for Prince Harry.

2- I visited my grandma in rural South Carolina. She has a dial-up internet connection…’nuff said.

3- I had a gig in San Francisco. I was in perma-shock from the climate and couldn’t write (60 degrees in JULY…are you freaking kidding me?!).

4- I watched a live taping of America’s Got Talent and was thisclose to Scary Spice and Howard Stern. It takes a while to get over something like that. 

5- I got a new JOB! Time is now limited…but beauty products are flowing like wine—Masques, Moisturizers, and Minerals…oh my!