Tag Archives: manners

Top 5 Rules of Working Life

1- Always be polite and graceful in the elevator. You never know who is coming up to your floor.

2- Don’t forget the therapeutic power of a lunch break. Stopping this time-honored tradition is a slippery slope to crazyville.

3- Wear comfortable shoes…at least on your way there. You can thank me later.

4- Keep an umbrella at the office. And floss. These are two things you never appreciate until they’re gone.

5- Don’t flirt with coworkers. Like ever. It’s unbecoming for all involved. 

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Top 5 Things I Would Do In An Alternate Universe

1- Throw my shoe at annoying people at the gym…while running on the treadmill.

2- Flip the plate of anyone who chews with their mouth open. They deserve to have a lapful of lo mein, onlookers be damned.

3- Yell at children to STFU when I’m trying to talk to their parents.

4- Defriend anyone who has ever left me a voicemail.

5- Tell people who constantly talk about how #blessed they are that, in fact, this statement often comes off as superior and condescending.

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Top 5 People To Be Avoided On Flights

1- The Chatter. Okay sure, being friendly is nice…but do I need to hear about your health issues and every stamp on your passport? No, not really—so respect the headphones, please.

2- The Snorer. This habit is barely, barely, tolerable in someone you love/are married to/have children with/plan on nursing through old age. When it comes from a stranger, all bets are off…and I’ve got sharp elbows.

3- The Eater. Munch, munch, rustle, rustle, slurp, slurp, crunch, crunch…annoyed yet??

4- The Baby. There is nothing like the terror of seeing a small child approach you on a flight. It’s like The Hunger Games…please, please don’t choose me!!!!!

5- The Mover. You know the guy…needs to get something from the overhead baggage, has to stretch his legs, must go to the restroom for the 90183th time. Sure dude…crawl over me again…it’s not awkward at all!!

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Top 5 Things I Say Quite Regularly

1- No thank you—No I don’t want to attend your free comedy show/buy your tacky counterfeit of an already tacky bag/watch an impromptu one-man show, but yes I will keep my southern manners.

2- Do you take cards?—Believe it or not (as it is the 21st century), many establishments in the NYC area are cash only…and I never have cash. It’s an endless cycle.

3- I wanna go there!!—Even though I travel a good bit, I still have thousands (if not more!) of destinations on the wish list. #travelproblems

4- Where the F*&% is my MetroCard?—#nycproblems

5- My feet hurt—Yes, I realize this is a problem of my own making. No, I will not give up my heels. Someone pass me the Tylenol.

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Top 5 Things That Are Best In Moderation

1- E! News. It’s always good to be plugged into pop culture…but when you can recite the dating history of the entire Pretty Little Liars cast, you might have a problem.

2- Working out. The more intense a person gets about fitness, the less fun they are to be around. No one wants a friend who spends their life in spandex and cut-off tanks.

3- Drinking. Trust me, your sloppy rendition of Nelly’s “Ride Wit Me” isn’t quite as cute as you think [even though it’s a GREAT song].

4- Tweeting. Never clog up someone’s feed, it’s annoying and unbecoming.

5- Krispy Kreme. Never buy more than two at a time…and GOD FORBID do not buy a dozen if you live alone. Even Gandhi couldn’t exercise that kind of self-control.

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Top 5 Words That Aren’t Used Enough

1- Cacophony- Today, as I waited for a train in Union Square, I was assaulted by the nonstop cacophony in the station.

2- Lascivious- While it is no doubt lascivious in nature, I can’t help but adore Game of Thrones.

3- Loathsome- There is nothing more loathsome than the marriage of strong opinions and weak thoughts.

4- Unbecoming- Don’t talk with food in your mouth darling, it’s unbecoming.

5- Bemused- I was bemused by tonight’s exhibit…which may or may not indicate its worth.

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Top 5 Phrases I Loathe To Hear

1- “Well, actually”—Who’s with me? Generally speaking, these two little words are the most condescending beginning to any sentence ever uttered. And more often than not, the speaker just didn’t get your sarcasm in the sentence prior to this little verbal slap.

2- “Hand me/ Give me/ Get me”—If I wanted to take commands, I would’ve joined the military. However, pepper in a few “would you’s” or “could you’s” and I’m all ears.

3- “They …. (fill in the blank)”—In this instance, “they” refers to any religious choice, ethnic group or frankly, any mass grouping of INDIVIDUALS. If you do this, please stop…it’s incredibly offensive.

4- “First World Problems”—Can’t we think of a better phrase for this sentiment? While I do believe that we do need to put our privileged “problems” in check (broken Keurig, lost wifi password, etc), I always get a dirty feeling when hearing this statement. Too many people seem to say it in a cocky and pretentious, “Oh I’m so lucky” way…and that is so not cute.

5- “You have to be a realist”—This one is courtesy of my mother. Ya know what, maybe I want to have two jobs in high school, travel the world, meet a prince (no lie, totes happened)…and live off of ramen and good times. Insurance is overrated, anyways 😉

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