Tag Archives: annoying

Top 5 F%$@)#G Annoying Things I Did Today

1- Tracked down my W-2s. While freelancing most definitely has its perks, it all comes to a screeching halt around tax time. Fourteen emails and nine W-2s later…yea, you get the picture.

2- Talked to my dental insurer on the phone. Really riveting stuff.

3- Wore fabulous, yet slightly uncomfortable, shoes. I fear this is a lesson I will never learn.

4- Burnt my lunch. Impressive, since the only cooking required was to place it in the oven.

5- Cleaned out my car…aka the place where water bottles and magazines go to die.

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Top 5 Things That Secretly Annoy Me…Until Now

1- Complaints about the amount of advertising in fashion magazines. Um hello, that’s the best part!! It’s the quickest/easiest way to pinpoint new aesthetics for the season and, quite honestly, is just really pretty!

2- When people proudly espouse opinions that are held by the general public. Yes, if you go in Wal-Mart you will most likely encounter interesting sides of humanity…and the root ingredients used by Taco Bell are probably found in tire rubber and petrol. Tell me something I don’t know. 

3- Recipes. Just another form of being told what to do.

4- Group texts. As most of you probably know, I’m not a phone person…and every time that dadblamed notification goes off it stresses me out. Plus, there’s always that one person who doesn’t know when to let it go.

5- Men who always let their wives dress them, no questions asked. First of all, get some opinions and a backbone. Secondly, leave the mothering to your mother.

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Top 5 Commuters Who Should Just Disappear

1- The a-hole who sits spread eagle with his (already large) frame. Usually seen taking up 3/4 of the only available bench. Go you-know-what yourself dude.

2- The panicky rico suave who freaks if someone steps on his precious shoes. If they were that nice, you wouldn’t be on the train…mmmk?

3- Anyone who eats anything remotely resembling food. It’s like watching someone eat in the bathroom…Heebiejeebies.

4- The Metrocard fumbler…I don’t care if you have to duck under the turnstile, when that train is coming you better MOVE son!

5- The perv. There’s one on every train and it never gets less awkward or creepy. Blegh!

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Top 5 People I Don’t Understand

1- Gym rats that fit in an extra session at lunch. While I admire the dedication, what do you do with your hair? How do you have time to shower? Do you not feel gross the rest of the afternoon? How does this work??

2- Shoppers who must buy the outfit as displayed on the mannequin. Where’s the creativity? The personal touch? Aren’t you afraid you’ll run into someone dressed the exact same way as you? The horror!

3- Moviegoers who feel the need to talk during a film. It’s not okay and everyone hates you.

4- Parents who give in to tantrums and expect that to fix the problem. Congratulations, you just won 17 more years of brattiness. Was that extra toy really worth it?

5- Worrywarts who torture themselves with coulda, woulda, shoulda. It’s over. If you can’t change what happened, you might as well accept it and get on with your bad self. Next!

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Top 5 Things I Would Do In An Alternate Universe

1- Throw my shoe at annoying people at the gym…while running on the treadmill.

2- Flip the plate of anyone who chews with their mouth open. They deserve to have a lapful of lo mein, onlookers be damned.

3- Yell at children to STFU when I’m trying to talk to their parents.

4- Defriend anyone who has ever left me a voicemail.

5- Tell people who constantly talk about how #blessed they are that, in fact, this statement often comes off as superior and condescending.

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Top 5 Things That Should Be Outlawed…Forever

1- Tan/Nude leggings. You look naked, girlfriend.

2- Singing too loudly along with the radio. Everyone has this friend…and we all want to smack him/her in the face.  [This also goes for those who sing unintentionally operatic versions of pop/rock/rap songs…know your genre, people]

3- Chris Brown.

4- Overweight baggage fees. I’m sorry, I have better ways to spend that 100+ dollars thankyouverymuch.

5- Lawn mowers before 11:00 am. Furthermore, breaking this particular ordinance should be punishable by death.

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Top 5 Things I Don’t Want To Hear About

1- Your calorie counting. It’s horrible enough to have to listen to your own brain do the math.

2- The problem you refuse to fix (by far, toxic relationships top this list!).

3- Food shopping. I just don’t understand the excitement.

4- The 10 guys that hit on you at last night’s party. Newsflash, you sound like an asshole.

5- Any long drawn out “issue” discussion. We’re all screwed up…accept this little fact and be happy with the company!

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Top 5 Phrases I Loathe To Hear

1- “Well, actually”—Who’s with me? Generally speaking, these two little words are the most condescending beginning to any sentence ever uttered. And more often than not, the speaker just didn’t get your sarcasm in the sentence prior to this little verbal slap.

2- “Hand me/ Give me/ Get me”—If I wanted to take commands, I would’ve joined the military. However, pepper in a few “would you’s” or “could you’s” and I’m all ears.

3- “They …. (fill in the blank)”—In this instance, “they” refers to any religious choice, ethnic group or frankly, any mass grouping of INDIVIDUALS. If you do this, please stop…it’s incredibly offensive.

4- “First World Problems”—Can’t we think of a better phrase for this sentiment? While I do believe that we do need to put our privileged “problems” in check (broken Keurig, lost wifi password, etc), I always get a dirty feeling when hearing this statement. Too many people seem to say it in a cocky and pretentious, “Oh I’m so lucky” way…and that is so not cute.

5- “You have to be a realist”—This one is courtesy of my mother. Ya know what, maybe I want to have two jobs in high school, travel the world, meet a prince (no lie, totes happened)…and live off of ramen and good times. Insurance is overrated, anyways 😉

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Top 5 Things I Don’t Give a Sh*% About

1- How many stick-figure kids you have, miles you’ve ran, or political quips you love, as displayed on the back window of your car. No one cares. And don’t even get me started on the “memorial” trend.

2- Photos of your food on Facebook. There is nothing (nothing!) I scroll through faster than photos of meals. Granted, I have been guilty of this a time or two myself, but it was for truly momentous occasions. Like the first (and only) gourmet meal I ever cooked…and a dessert named after nuns in France. Otherwise, eat it don’t tweet it.

3- Potty-training updates. Laugh as you will, but you would be surprised at how often I see DETAILED descriptions of this crap (pun intended) on my newsfeed. It’s gross and again…no one cares.

4- Dilation. As in of the vagina. People actually post this stuff!! Either they are unaware that when they say someone is “x inches dilated” they are referring to that person’s cervix stretching out to push through a human baby…or they just don’t care. Either way, I am never forcing that mental picture on anyone–although maybe I’ll start posting about Kegels to retaliate.

5- Any trite, cliché, uninspired, narrow-minded or just plain dumb “share” on Facebook. Generally passed along by older family members or friends of your parents, these photos/comics are responsible for 99% of my “unfollows.”

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