Tag Archives: writing

Top 5 Reasons I Need To Make It Big

1- I really, really love jewels and gemstones. So much it hurts. With that said—most occupations frown upon, say my new antique rhinestone watch, as everyday attire. Hmph.

2- I don’t like maneuvering with the masses. Under most circumstances, you couldn’t pay me to go to a stadium-filled concert (Dolly excluded, obv)…but I still like to partake in the fun. Private concert at Versailles anyone? 

3- Sometimes, weekly manicures are the only thing that makes the world tolerable. 

4- I want to be able to wear what I want, where I want, at any time I want. In other words, caftans and diamonds all day/err day.

5- I would do really nice things. Charitable things. I’ve already gotten my platforms figured out actually, just in case you’re wondering. 

 

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Top 5 Random Confessions (Go Ahead And Judge)

1-  I don’t get the whole cereal addiction. There is absolutely no way HUMANLY POSSIBLE to get the cereal to milk ratio correct and frankly, it’s too loud in my ears.

2- Even though I typically order balsamic, I would rather be having ranch.

3- I was always confused by the whole “mirror, mirror on the wall” thing. Clearly the Queen is prettier than Snow White.

4- Quite often, I would rather be alone. I like to read, ponder, think, write, and wander…all things that are tricky to do in tandem.

5- I have an obsessive need to know how things are spelled. My brain processes thoughts in words, so if I don’t know how to spell something it’s like a jammed record player until the issue is resolved. Just ask my friends (especially the superfreak smart ones) how often I say “how do you spell that?”.

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Top 5 Reasons I Didn’t Blog

1- I went to Vegas and was too busy searching high and low for Prince Harry.

2- I visited my grandma in rural South Carolina. She has a dial-up internet connection…’nuff said.

3- I had a gig in San Francisco. I was in perma-shock from the climate and couldn’t write (60 degrees in JULY…are you freaking kidding me?!).

4- I watched a live taping of America’s Got Talent and was thisclose to Scary Spice and Howard Stern. It takes a while to get over something like that. 

5- I got a new JOB! Time is now limited…but beauty products are flowing like wine—Masques, Moisturizers, and Minerals…oh my!

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Top 5 Signs You Need To Get Out Of Town

1- You are up-to-date on all of the recent Netflix releases…and consider it quite the accomplishment.

2- You are still hanging out with your ex-boyfriend…and you can’t figure out if it’s because of boredom or genuine affection.

3- You consider housesitting a real adventure.

4- You can’t remember the last time you saw your college peeps…or reminisced about the time that one of you spray painted the house with her cat’s name.

5- You have worn out your welcome at the local Starbucks, Panera, and Au Bon Pain…and have started calling these places your “office.”

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Top 5 Things That Unsettle Me

1- Foreign pronunciation. Do you pronounce the word correctly and risk sounding like a pompous prick? Or do you go with the general pronunciation and risk sounding like an uneducated plebe? I never know what to do!
(common offenders: Cap-ri or Cuhpri, Lou-vre or Louve, VUI-tton or Vatahn)

2- Oxford commas. So apparently, these are not necessary in our modern age…but I still heart them! I’ve tried to switch over but just can’t commit. I love that little guy.

3- Carry-on measurements. Does anyone’s bag actually fit in those little metal boxes? Doubtful. My advice is to walk past swiftly and determined…once you get past security you’re clear! They can make you gate-check but it won’t cost you anything, huzzah!

4- Tipping at semi-self-serve places. So I ordered, picked up my food, and fixed my own drink…but you cleared away the dishes. What is the appropriate protocol here?!

5- Asking for ranch dressing. God knows I love it…but no doubt the server is judging. Also, as sweet as it can be, the southern accent does nothing for the word “ranch.”

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Top 5 Things That Are Worse Than Hell

1- Waiting in theme park lines. While similar to hell (same temperature/crowd), this little adventure is made worse by the fact that you are actually spending insane amounts of money to do.nothing for the majority of the day.

2- Editing your résumé. Holy sh&^ this is the worst. All you want to do is send them a secret text that says “what do you wannnnt from me?!”…and don’t even get me started on margins.

3- Suddenly and inexplicably finding yourself surrounded by Republicans. ***

4- Sleeping with someone who snores. You think to yourself, “I mean…would it REALLY be that bad to just put this pillow over their head? Would I just get a couple of years?…” Alas, these murderous urges are generally resisted…because after all, who would carry the luggage?

5- Watching a cinematic sex scene…while your parents are in the room. You don’t want to make it awkward…but you def don’t want to look too into it…WHO NEEDS ANYTHING FROM THE KITCHEN?!?!

***To be fair, I assume Republicans feel the same way when surrounded by us crazy liberals.

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Top 5 Reasons to Write (i.e. Blog)

1- You’re less likely to need bail money. Not to be a WordPress Rambo, but it’s much easier to engage in social commentary…without the actual social part. People have the bothersome habit of getting offended…or worse, ruining the comedic timing of a well-written post.

2- You are forced to actually think (if only for .02 seconds) about the thoughts you display. One can hope that between typing and submission, you have adequate time to decipher the difference between sharing and OVERsharing.

3- Any chance to gleefully explore thesaurus.com should not be ignored (or overlooked, slighted, pooh pooh’ed, etc).

4- It has the potential to ward off bad behavior from those you hold dear.  Example:  Oh honey, I’m so glad you acted like an inconsiderate jerk with IBS last night.  I was really struggling with material for my next post.

5- Everyone else is doing it. I mean, that’s how I discovered couchsurfing, keg stands, and craigslist…what could possibly go wrong??

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