Tag Archives: working out

Top 5 Things That Should Be An Inalienable Right

1- Wi-fi. This can be a matter of life or death…for instance, what if I miss #tbt and have to wait ANOTHER week to post that super cute childhood photo of myself? What will people do?!

2- Gym memberships. Seriously, ya’ll. The world would be a happier, healthier, and more beautiful place…and that’s the hard-bodied truth.

3- Taxis after 11:00 pm. It’s a matter of public safety (and achy-yet stylish-Louboutin-clad feet).

4- Metrocards that NEVER expire. If this law were enacted, it would make spring cleaning SO much more exciting.

5- Marriage to any whiney, temperamental, and otherwise rotten person you choose…everyone deserves the equal right to make one another miserable.

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Top 5 Habits I Need To Break

1- Taking my phone to bed with me. Forty-three pins later and I’m still awake.

2- Responding to messages at the gym. No, I did not mean to send you a “sticker.”

3- Forgetting to pack socks. I pretty much owe everyone I know at least one pair.

4- Giving anyone my phone number past 11:00 pm. It just results in awkward text avoidance. 

5- Snacking at night. Reality television is garbage enough, I’m sure.

 

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Top 5 Things That Are Best In Moderation

1- E! News. It’s always good to be plugged into pop culture…but when you can recite the dating history of the entire Pretty Little Liars cast, you might have a problem.

2- Working out. The more intense a person gets about fitness, the less fun they are to be around. No one wants a friend who spends their life in spandex and cut-off tanks.

3- Drinking. Trust me, your sloppy rendition of Nelly’s “Ride Wit Me” isn’t quite as cute as you think [even though it’s a GREAT song].

4- Tweeting. Never clog up someone’s feed, it’s annoying and unbecoming.

5- Krispy Kreme. Never buy more than two at a time…and GOD FORBID do not buy a dozen if you live alone. Even Gandhi couldn’t exercise that kind of self-control.

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Top 5 Reasons May Is The Best Month Zeus Ever Created

1- April showers bring what you ask? MAY FLOWERS BIATCH!!! Everyone loves a good flower.

2- Memorial Weekend is the unofficial start of summer…and one of heaven’s greatest gifts: Summer Hours. For those of you who don’t live on the tiny universe of Manhattan, “Summer Hours” are NYC’s way of making up for crappy winter weather and the L train. We straight up get off of work early every.single.friday during this glorious season. Booyah.

3- It marks the birth of one of the nation’s greatest social commentators (me, obviously).

4- There are no puffer jackets in sight.

5- No matter what, you know that you have at least three solid months of good weather in your future (which means at least TWO months to get ready for bikini season…amirite?).

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Top 5 Ways To Turn Around A Craptastic Day

1- If the weather is nice, go to the store and purchase your most favorite mag. Next, pick a cute little restaurant, sit outside, and have a great meal while you read the magazine front-back. It’s the perfect way to de-stress!

2-  Choose your favorite artist (or buy the new record you’ve been wanting) and turn it on while you take a long, relaxing bath. Extra points if you exfoliate.

3- Go to the gym and rock out to hardcore rock/rap. You’ll be ready to kick some ass in no time.

4- Order your favorite delivery and have a DVR party for one. However, limit yourself to three episodes…more than that and you just start to feel worse.

5- If all else fails, call your mom.

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Top 5 Things I Don’t Want To Hear About

1- Your calorie counting. It’s horrible enough to have to listen to your own brain do the math.

2- The problem you refuse to fix (by far, toxic relationships top this list!).

3- Food shopping. I just don’t understand the excitement.

4- The 10 guys that hit on you at last night’s party. Newsflash, you sound like an asshole.

5- Any long drawn out “issue” discussion. We’re all screwed up…accept this little fact and be happy with the company!

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Top 5 Items Worth The Splurge

1- Pricey concealer. The drug store liquid stuff is absolutely worthless, while better brands can completely transform your face.

2- A beautiful winter coat. First of all, you wear one almost every day in the most loathsome of seasons…pick something that will cheer you up! In addition, people rarely see the outfit below.

3- Sneakers. Anything that will encourage you (i.e. me) to work out more is worth it…plus custom sneaks are better for your heels, arches, ankles, etc.

4- A nice watch. It just makes you feel fancy…and it gives a good impression at the office.

5- Luxe lingerie. The last place you want to look cheap is the bedroom.

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Top 5 Reasons To Shake It

1- Dancing allows you to be social without actually talking.

2- Don’t believe the hype…the perks to being a wallflower are quite minimal.

3- Body language, son.

4- Cardio.

5- It brings all the boy to the yard. 

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Top 5 Reasons To Work Out

1- The gym is the only place your self-confidence rises as your appearance becomes more disgusting.

2- People-watching…which, obviously, is a non-pervy way to say that it is lecherous leering primetime. Keep on lifting fellas!

3- Working out is a respectable pastime. Watching trash television is not. They cancel each other, right? 

4- It makes bikini shopping easier…as in, you may not want to jump off a bridge afterwards. 

5- Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.
 ***if you don’t get the reference above, we cannot be friends.

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