Tag Archives: weird

Top 5 Things That Always Seem Suspect

1- The “traffic was terrible/train was delayed/accident on the highway” excuse. Most of us have used this one at some point in our lives…thus no one actually believes it.

2- The sickeningly sweet “do you want to save 10% today?!” request from retailers. Listen sir/madam, I know you don’t care two licks about my savings. What you do care about is meeting your credit card sign-up quota…and frankly, that’s none of my concern.

3- The “unlimited mimosas” trend at local brunch spots. How does this even work?? Does the restaurant not take a beating in profits?? Surely there’s a trick in here somewhere.

4- Any child/teenager that washes your car for no apparent reason. Might wanna go ahead and brace yourself.

5- When a person under the age of 40 goes through and “likes” all of your profile pics. To quote Mariah, why you so obsessed with me?!

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Top 5 Ways To Freak Out Your Neighbor

1- Mow the lawn in a santa suit…in the middle of July.

2- Label a spot in your driveway “Client Parking – 1 Hour Max.”

3- Put a life-size cut-out of the Backstreet Boys in your bedroom window.

4- Invite them to the opening of your in-home dog rescue/daycare center.

5- Knock on their door just to ask if they had a nice day.

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Top 5 Lies I Tell Myself

1- Paying outrageous rent in Manhattan balances out because I don’t have a car.

2- Wavy/Frizzy hair is natural and beautiful…not just a sign of laziness.

3- I have the patience, time, and money for a dog in the near future.

4- Walking around in 6 inch heels counts as a leg workout.

5- Diet starts tomorrow.

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Top 5 Reasons Today Sucked

1- I wrecked a very expensive car. That’s not even mine. FML.

2- I left a gorgeous mansion on the beach to return to the rainy Northeast.

3- I flew into an airport with no real clue as to how I would get home.

4- I have a skinned knee that looks stupid with all of my outfits.

5- It’s summer and my skin is still nearly translucent.

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Top 5 Things That Unsettle Me

1- Foreign pronunciation. Do you pronounce the word correctly and risk sounding like a pompous prick? Or do you go with the general pronunciation and risk sounding like an uneducated plebe? I never know what to do!
(common offenders: Cap-ri or Cuhpri, Lou-vre or Louve, VUI-tton or Vatahn)

2- Oxford commas. So apparently, these are not necessary in our modern age…but I still heart them! I’ve tried to switch over but just can’t commit. I love that little guy.

3- Carry-on measurements. Does anyone’s bag actually fit in those little metal boxes? Doubtful. My advice is to walk past swiftly and determined…once you get past security you’re clear! They can make you gate-check but it won’t cost you anything, huzzah!

4- Tipping at semi-self-serve places. So I ordered, picked up my food, and fixed my own drink…but you cleared away the dishes. What is the appropriate protocol here?!

5- Asking for ranch dressing. God knows I love it…but no doubt the server is judging. Also, as sweet as it can be, the southern accent does nothing for the word “ranch.”

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Top 5 Things That Are NOT Best in Moderation

1- Pomegranates. Pom season doesn’t last very long…so indulge, indulge, indulge. Just make sure you’re not wearing white/around anyone towards whom you have romantic inclinations…that sh&% is not pretty [but tastes so good!].

2- Travel. The more you go, the more you know! As the over-pinned quote states, “Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer.”

3- Reading. Not only is it an extremely rewarding and interesting activity, it also teaches you how to SPELL!

4- Laughter. Do whatever it takes to get this in EVERY DAY. For me, it’s ridiculous memes online…but for you it might be The Daily Show or Kardashian Kouture.

5- Walking. Did you know that Manhattan is only 13.4 miles long and 2.3 miles wide? That taxi to Sunday Brunch *might* not be necessary.

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Top 5 Places That Drive Me Loco

1- Home Depot- Talk about stress. It’s massive, it always takes forever, and I don’t know how anything in there works. As for me, I’ll just linger around the paint samples until it’s time to go.

2- Michael’s- I know I shouldn’t, but I judge.

3- Herald Square- The only miracle that occurs on 34th street is when you get to leave.

4- Parking Garages- To me, they’re reminiscent of a cow getting corralled into a stall…with the added thrill of a potential kidnapping.

5- Pet Smart- Because I want a puppy! And I can’t have one. Suddenly, I’m 8 years old again…

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Top 5 Things I Don’t Want To Hear About

1- Your calorie counting. It’s horrible enough to have to listen to your own brain do the math.

2- The problem you refuse to fix (by far, toxic relationships top this list!).

3- Food shopping. I just don’t understand the excitement.

4- The 10 guys that hit on you at last night’s party. Newsflash, you sound like an asshole.

5- Any long drawn out “issue” discussion. We’re all screwed up…accept this little fact and be happy with the company!

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Top 5 Things That Make Me Uncomfortable

1- Personal conversations on the subway. Call me crazy, but I don’t need 35 other people weighing in on my text convos from the night before.

2- People who do the same pose in every.single.photo. Clearly there’s more going on here.

3- Mega-Churches. The preachers are usually 40 yr old walking advertisements for Abercrombie & Fitch and the accompanying team mentality can be a little eerie. I can do without the horse and pony show.

4- The Fuzz. I don’t get it…I’m a speed limit obeying, law-abiding citizen…what’s up with the anxiety?! I can only assume this is residual fear from my college years.

5- White shoes. No me gusta.

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Top 5 Reasons I’m Happy I’m Not 18 Again

1- No matter what happens, I will die knowing I didn’t screw up my education. Seriously, from birth this was my greatest fear!

2- I could not care less if anyone on the planet likes my outfit. I love different and interesting clothes…and am more than happy to let my freak flag fly!

3- I no longer have the “if it’s free I should eat it/drink it” mentality. Less is definitely more, people.

4- I have no fear of subways, bus schedules, european trains, and airports. At 18, navigating these hubs was nothing short of terrifying!

5- I can go into any bar, in any country, and order a glass of wine. My 18 year-old-self would be so jealous.

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