Tag Archives: water

Top 5 F%$@)#G Annoying Things I Did Today

1- Tracked down my W-2s. While freelancing most definitely has its perks, it all comes to a screeching halt around tax time. Fourteen emails and nine W-2s later…yea, you get the picture.

2- Talked to my dental insurer on the phone. Really riveting stuff.

3- Wore fabulous, yet slightly uncomfortable, shoes. I fear this is a lesson I will never learn.

4- Burnt my lunch. Impressive, since the only cooking required was to place it in the oven.

5- Cleaned out my car…aka the place where water bottles and magazines go to die.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 5 Reasons You Should Go To The Beach

1- The frizzier the hair, the more fun you’re having.

2- You get to show off your masterful self-tanning skills…which is no small feat. 

3- Heels are frowned upon, so now’s the chance to give your worn out arches a break.

4- It’s the perfect excuse to eat shrimp every.single.night. Shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan-fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup…

5- It’s good for your soul, fool! Now hit the road.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 5 Things I Think When It Rains

1- There is no way I should be expected to get out of bed in this weather. Followed by either 1) Thank God it’s the weekend and I don’t have to or 2) $!@&&%$#(@!#&+@(~#~&@!*!#*@!!!!

2- Well, ugly shoes it is…sorry outfit.

3- I can’t go to the gym in this weather! It’s water falling from the sky…what if I get hurt?!

4- Dammit, still need to replace those windshield wipers. Why does this only ever come to mind when it is actually raining and I can’t see anything?!

5- Good, we need that [said in my papa’s deep southern drawl]. You can take the girl outta the country…

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 5 Things You’re Never Too Old To Do

1- Run through the sprinkler. It really doesn’t get better than this…so throw caution (and your silk shirt) to the wind and partake in this time-honored summertime tradition. Extra points if you can toss a trampoline into the mix.

2- Order a kids meal. Whatever, the portions are better and they come in cute little boxes. Just make sure you don’t trash the toy…pay it forward by giving it to a kid on the street or donating to a local hospital/shelter.

3- Fight with your little brother. How long has he known you? Does he really think he’s going to get away with stealing your slice? Time to bust out the ‘ol Hogan moves.

4- Watch Boy Meets World. This show will never, and I repeat NEVER, get old. Here’s hoping the remake [and Topanga’s hair] can stand up to the legend.

5- Call your grandma when you’re sick. Not sure what it is, but my granny always seems to know the appropriate ratio of concern, humor, advice, and cornbread my illnesses deserve.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 5 Things You Can Learn From Children

1- Mine is mine and yours and yours…unless I want it.

2- Life is more fun without shoes and pants.

3- Water is one of the purest forms of entertainment. And nothing is funnier than a soaked babysitter, mommy, or dog.

4- If you don’t understand, ask. Even if the public questioning humiliates your in-the-know counterparts…it’s their fault for keeping secrets.

5- Feeling bullied? Throw a snarky comment the aggressor’s way and go about your business…stops ’em every time. But make sure your comment is actually funny.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 5 Ways To Stay Happy

1- GSD- As in, Get Sh&* Done. End that procrastination-based masochistic relationship with yourself and be productive, you’ll feel better for it I swear.

2- Avoid toxins- This list may or may not include over-processed food, aerosol hairspray, and your self-involved mother-in-law.

3- Ditch the Sweats- In the words of Karl Lagerfeld, “Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.” Preach it, Karl.

4- Make a weekly visit to the park- You get the chance to soak up Vitamin D and see all the goofy kids/puppies you want but can’t afford. Just don’t be creepy about it.

5- Hydrate- Take care of your skin from the inside and glow on the outside! And no, martinis don’t count.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,