Tag Archives: train

Top 5 Commuters Who Should Just Disappear

1- The a-hole who sits spread eagle with his (already large) frame. Usually seen taking up 3/4 of the only available bench. Go you-know-what yourself dude.

2- The panicky rico suave who freaks if someone steps on his precious shoes. If they were that nice, you wouldn’t be on the train…mmmk?

3- Anyone who eats anything remotely resembling food. It’s like watching someone eat in the bathroom…Heebiejeebies.

4- The Metrocard fumbler…I don’t care if you have to duck under the turnstile, when that train is coming you better MOVE son!

5- The perv. There’s one on every train and it never gets less awkward or creepy. Blegh!

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Top 5 Ways I Keep It Real

1- Handwritten notes. While it may be prehistoric, my love of stationary requires that I keep up this tradition. Don’t worry though, I still send the obligatory “Happy Birthday” post online.

2- Cowboy boots. No, not the silly little $30 ones from TJ Maxx. Real, live boots…worn with real, live jeans. The kind that have clocked the same amount of hours in the fields as they have on city streets.

3- The ‘Zuk. I’ve had the same car since my senior year of high school. She’s small, has great gas mileage, and above all, doesn’t require any car payments. We’ve been together for 10 years now and I love her dearly.

4- Music. My tastes have not drastically changed since 1996. My typical Pandora rotation goes a little something like this: Tom Petty, Travis Tritt, Rod Stewart, Prince, Billy Joel, Garth Brooks.

5- Public Transit. Nothing more real than that.

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Top 5 Things That Should Be An Inalienable Right

1- Wi-fi. This can be a matter of life or death…for instance, what if I miss #tbt and have to wait ANOTHER week to post that super cute childhood photo of myself? What will people do?!

2- Gym memberships. Seriously, ya’ll. The world would be a happier, healthier, and more beautiful place…and that’s the hard-bodied truth.

3- Taxis after 11:00 pm. It’s a matter of public safety (and achy-yet stylish-Louboutin-clad feet).

4- Metrocards that NEVER expire. If this law were enacted, it would make spring cleaning SO much more exciting.

5- Marriage to any whiney, temperamental, and otherwise rotten person you choose…everyone deserves the equal right to make one another miserable.

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Top 5 Moments I’m A Cliché

1- When I see a grown man gently playing with a baby/toddler. Heart melted.

2- When I’m in NYC and the train is late. *@#^!@*!@*#&*@!@&(*!@#!@#!!!!

3- When I’m back home and drink my weight in sweet tea. Thanks, Granny!

4- When I have a few cocktails and decide to text message an ex-lovah. Boredom and booze do not mix, ya’ll!

5- When I have nothing to wear…in a closet that could have individual rooms for shoes, accessories, tops, dresses, costume apparel, you name it. Yet still, absolutely nothing to wear.

 

 

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Top 5 Ways New York Tells You It Loves You

1- The subway arrives *just* as you reach the platform. And a stranger gives you their seat.

2- It’s Halloween night and you are actually able to hail a taxi home without any difficulty.

3- You live on the 7th floor of your building…and have an elevator. This my friends, is what you might call a “Christmas Miracle.”

4- Your deli man draws hearts, smileys, and I ❤ u on the wrapping of your morning bagel (true story).

5- It’s 4am/10am and delivery is still a very attainable option…with no questions and not a bit of judgment.

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Top 5 (Reasonably Harmless) Things That Make Me Want To Rage

1- Restaurants that do not offer wi-fi…I mean, wtf. It’s the 21st century. Join the real world people (I’m talking to you, Europe).

2- Commercials on Pandora. I get it—that’s how they pay their bills—but I’m in the middle of a workout and the only thing getting me through it is picturing Adam Levine singing only to me…shirtless.

3- When a screwdriver is needed to change a freaking battery. Might as well throw the offending item away.

4- When I’m forced (yet again) to buy another $10 Metrocard because I left my (fully paid) one at home. *#*&!@#*!@#&!@#&!@#*!!!

5- When I pour a perfectly delicious bowl of cereal…and realize there’s no milk. So, so sad.
 

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