Tag Archives: theft

Top 5 Looks I Can’t Help But Give

1- The “I know you are not about to eat off my plate” stare.

2- The ever-so-slight “I don’t believe a word out of your mouth” smile.

3- The “You did NOT just say that to my friend” glare.

4- The “So you work out twice a day and speak three languages?” ogle.

5- The “It’s too early and you’re way too loud” scowl.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 5 Reasons To Avoid The Mall

1- Abercrombie and Fitch. The noise, the nauseating perfume, the crowd of tweens and/or toolbags…best if left to their own devices.

2- Parking is a pain in the ass. Without a doubt, someone will try to steal your spot, knock a door into your shiny new whip, or take forrreeevvverrr to get into their *&@*#&@ car.

3- Books-A-Million is a time vortex and will steal hours from your life…a fact you won’t realize until you’ve missed your dentist appointment, forgotten the kids at school, and forgone your dinner plans.

4- Chinese Food. That shiz is SO not organic…but you know you’ll order it. Who has the wherewithal to avoid those delicious little samples?! Not me, I say.

5- The lycra. It’s everywhere…on the bodies of fellow shoppers, for sale in the department stores, and cloaking the (generally uninterested) salespeople. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

 

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,