Tag Archives: the index

Top 5 Signs You’re Too Old For This Sh*&

1- One night out means at least two full days of recovery…which means you spend the rest of your weekend with Seamless and Netflix. So not a cute look, girlfriend.

2- You leave bars because they’re too loud and you can’t participate in meaningful conversation…because, ya know, that’s what everyone is looking for on a Saturday night.

3- The thought of taking a Fireball shot makes you want to hurl…EVEN if it’s completely free of charge.

4- You leave happy hour at a reasonable hour so you can take your dog out…and don’t harbor any resentment towards your furry friend.

5- When you see someone living out their rockstar fantasies, you secretly thank your lucky stars that it’s not you. Live and let live!

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Top 5 Ways I Keep It Real

1- Handwritten notes. While it may be prehistoric, my love of stationary requires that I keep up this tradition. Don’t worry though, I still send the obligatory “Happy Birthday” post online.

2- Cowboy boots. No, not the silly little $30 ones from TJ Maxx. Real, live boots…worn with real, live jeans. The kind that have clocked the same amount of hours in the fields as they have on city streets.

3- The ‘Zuk. I’ve had the same car since my senior year of high school. She’s small, has great gas mileage, and above all, doesn’t require any car payments. We’ve been together for 10 years now and I love her dearly.

4- Music. My tastes have not drastically changed since 1996. My typical Pandora rotation goes a little something like this: Tom Petty, Travis Tritt, Rod Stewart, Prince, Billy Joel, Garth Brooks.

5- Public Transit. Nothing more real than that.

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Top 5 Signs You’re With An Old Friend

1- You don’t feel weird about borrowing their deodorant and/or hairbrush…and it doesn’t even cross your mind to ask first.

2- You reminisce about the hot guys in college…and wonder if they ever eventually started wearing shirts.

3- You don’t feel judged for sleeping until noon…or going to bed before midnight on a Saturday night.

4- You still hate the same people.

5-You remind each other of the total doofuses you’ve dated in the past…and thank your lucky stars that the best is yet to come!

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