Tag Archives: style

Top 5 People I Don’t Understand

1- Gym rats that fit in an extra session at lunch. While I admire the dedication, what do you do with your hair? How do you have time to shower? Do you not feel gross the rest of the afternoon? How does this work??

2- Shoppers who must buy the outfit as displayed on the mannequin. Where’s the creativity? The personal touch? Aren’t you afraid you’ll run into someone dressed the exact same way as you? The horror!

3- Moviegoers who feel the need to talk during a film. It’s not okay and everyone hates you.

4- Parents who give in to tantrums and expect that to fix the problem. Congratulations, you just won 17 more years of brattiness. Was that extra toy really worth it?

5- Worrywarts who torture themselves with coulda, woulda, shoulda. It’s over. If you can’t change what happened, you might as well accept it and get on with your bad self. Next!

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Top 5 Signs You Are Not Destined To Be Domestic

1- Your friends refuse to cook at your house because, without fail, you never have the basics to make a meal (flour, eggs, olive oil, etc).

2- The thought of making your own cleaning supplies makes you want to jump in front of a train.

3- You use your pantry as an extra shoe closet.

4- Your version of DIY is called Etsy. Delegation at its finest, folks.

5- You think that spending $600 on a pair of shoes makes total sense…but $300 on a mixer? What is it made out of…gold?!

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Top 5 Lies I Tell Myself

1- Paying outrageous rent in Manhattan balances out because I don’t have a car.

2- Wavy/Frizzy hair is natural and beautiful…not just a sign of laziness.

3- I have the patience, time, and money for a dog in the near future.

4- Walking around in 6 inch heels counts as a leg workout.

5- Diet starts tomorrow.

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Top 5 Things I’ve Learned in the Security Line

1- Gladiator sandals are not your friend. Always choose ballet flats or boots when traveling!

2- Children are the enemy. When given the option, always go for the childless line.

3- The **@#&!^ng laptop has to be run through separately. People ignoring this rule can double your wait time…so if you spot someone making this rookie mistake, always say something.

4- The ubiquitous pat down is part of life. Just hold your head high and own it.

5- Always make sure you grabbed your hat and identification! Learned this the hard way.

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Top 5 Looks New Yorkers Know How To Rock

1- The “I’m not going to a funeral, I’m just super cool” head-to-toe black ensemble.

2- The “I wear my shades everywhere on Sunday because I’m too lazy to put on concealer” babe.

3- The “I’m not from DC, I will wear 6 inch heels even though I’m dying inside” pump façade.

4- The “sooooo retro/indie/urban” look that actually cost thousands of dollars.

5- The “it’s snowing out and I look like a human marshmallow of death” black puffer style.

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Top 5 Things I Think When It Rains

1- There is no way I should be expected to get out of bed in this weather. Followed by either 1) Thank God it’s the weekend and I don’t have to or 2) $!@&&%$#(@!#&+@(~#~&@!*!#*@!!!!

2- Well, ugly shoes it is…sorry outfit.

3- I can’t go to the gym in this weather! It’s water falling from the sky…what if I get hurt?!

4- Dammit, still need to replace those windshield wipers. Why does this only ever come to mind when it is actually raining and I can’t see anything?!

5- Good, we need that [said in my papa’s deep southern drawl]. You can take the girl outta the country…

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Top 5 Rules of Shopping

1- If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit—No matter the style, the deal, the absolute beauty of the piece…it will not/should not be worn if the cut is unflattering.

2- Know your colors—For me, it’s reds, oranges, and yellows…but never (ever ever) blue! Don’t waste time trying on looks that you know won’t work!

3- Know your shape—You know what I love? Wrap dresses. You know what I never wear? Wrap dresses. Sorry Diane, but your creation is ungodly unflattering on me. I’ll appreciate from afar, thankyouverymuch.

4- Invest in what you need, not what you want—For so many years, I would spend way more money on a super glitzy pair of (uncomfortable) heels or a fabulous cocktail dress…only to wear  them once a year. Now, those funds are allocated to ballet flats, blazers, and nice jeans…and I couldn’t be happier with the decision!

5- Bargains take brains—The cheaper the outfit, the more brains required to make it look good. While anybody can rock a head-to-toe Chanel look, it takes real savviness to keep that clearance bin find chic. Pay attention to fabric, cut, and color and you’ll be fine!!

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Top 5 Reasons To Avoid The Mall

1- Abercrombie and Fitch. The noise, the nauseating perfume, the crowd of tweens and/or toolbags…best if left to their own devices.

2- Parking is a pain in the ass. Without a doubt, someone will try to steal your spot, knock a door into your shiny new whip, or take forrreeevvverrr to get into their *&@*#&@ car.

3- Books-A-Million is a time vortex and will steal hours from your life…a fact you won’t realize until you’ve missed your dentist appointment, forgotten the kids at school, and forgone your dinner plans.

4- Chinese Food. That shiz is SO not organic…but you know you’ll order it. Who has the wherewithal to avoid those delicious little samples?! Not me, I say.

5- The lycra. It’s everywhere…on the bodies of fellow shoppers, for sale in the department stores, and cloaking the (generally uninterested) salespeople. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

 

 

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Top 5 Things I Complain About

1- The constant need for my electronics to be charged. Needy much?!?!

2- The remarkable ability for the ONE item I need to somehow disappear in my closet. WHERE IS THAT BLACK TANK?

3- The lack of air conditioners in New York City. This southern girl likes to live life at a cool 70 degrees (when inside, of course).

4- Bad manicures. If I wanted it to look like a 5-year-old painted my nails, I would do it myself.

5- The opinionated uninformed. Just STFU already, mmk?

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Top 5 Things I Can’t Wait To Say

1- Which looks better with this outfit? The Louboutin or the Jimmy Choo?

2- So glad have to have you in New York, feel free to put your things in the guest bedroom.

3- How in the world did you manage to find a diamond that size?!

4- I just LOVE spin class! It really wakes me up in the morning!

5- …and that’s how I made my first million.

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