Tag Archives: southern

Top 5 Things I Find Wildly Unattractive

1- Chatty men- When I go on and on about my friends’ personal lives, I better see a hint of mild disinterest on your face.

2- Sneakers with jeans- It just can’t help but look a little…dorky. Nothing a pair of boots or loafers can’t fix.

3- Paying at dinner/movies/concerts/etc- Sure, I’ll go for the reach every time…and I completely agree that it’s unfair that this double standard exists. But exist it does.

4- Polo shirts with an athletic allegiance- Just not for me and I’ll say no more.

5- Swoop haircuts- If it looks anything like your preacher, politician, or 8-year-old self would sport…say hello to the swoop. 

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Top 5 Reasons I Moved To Tennessee (still got mad love NYC!)

1- I visited and fell in love with the city. I promise cute musicians weren’t the ENTIRE reason…

2- Turns out, having your own washer and dryer isn’t just for fairy tales. 

3- Slowly but surely working toward settling down (and by settling down, I mean getting a dog).

4- Walking ten blocks to the doctor/drug store when you’re sick is for the birds. 

5- I’m grown and I do what I want. 

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Top 5 Things I Think When It Rains

1- There is no way I should be expected to get out of bed in this weather. Followed by either 1) Thank God it’s the weekend and I don’t have to or 2) $!@&&%$#(@!#&+@(~#~&@!*!#*@!!!!

2- Well, ugly shoes it is…sorry outfit.

3- I can’t go to the gym in this weather! It’s water falling from the sky…what if I get hurt?!

4- Dammit, still need to replace those windshield wipers. Why does this only ever come to mind when it is actually raining and I can’t see anything?!

5- Good, we need that [said in my papa’s deep southern drawl]. You can take the girl outta the country…

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Top 5 Moments I Want To Relive

1- Getting my driver’s license. Oh the freedom! Oh the glory! Oh the possibilities! Almost too much for a well-intentioned 15-year-old to handle (yes I said 15…can you tell I’m from the South?!).

2- Traveling abroad alone for the first time. True, I was crying and terrified when I actually walked away from my family/thenboyfriend…but my how that moment changed me!

3- 8th Grade Awards Day. Boy, did I clean UP that spring afternoon. I had more awards/medals than General Petraeus…and without the awkward cheating scandal to boot!

4- My first cocktail party. It was love at first sight.

5- Watching my grandpa get his first dealership bought, no miles, brand spanking new pick-up. As much as the old codger wouldn’t admit it, the joy was written all over his face.

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Top 5 Things I Say Quite Regularly

1- No thank you—No I don’t want to attend your free comedy show/buy your tacky counterfeit of an already tacky bag/watch an impromptu one-man show, but yes I will keep my southern manners.

2- Do you take cards?—Believe it or not (as it is the 21st century), many establishments in the NYC area are cash only…and I never have cash. It’s an endless cycle.

3- I wanna go there!!—Even though I travel a good bit, I still have thousands (if not more!) of destinations on the wish list. #travelproblems

4- Where the F*&% is my MetroCard?—#nycproblems

5- My feet hurt—Yes, I realize this is a problem of my own making. No, I will not give up my heels. Someone pass me the Tylenol.

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Top 5 Moments I’m A Cliché

1- When I see a grown man gently playing with a baby/toddler. Heart melted.

2- When I’m in NYC and the train is late. *@#^!@*!@*#&*@!@&(*!@#!@#!!!!

3- When I’m back home and drink my weight in sweet tea. Thanks, Granny!

4- When I have a few cocktails and decide to text message an ex-lovah. Boredom and booze do not mix, ya’ll!

5- When I have nothing to wear…in a closet that could have individual rooms for shoes, accessories, tops, dresses, costume apparel, you name it. Yet still, absolutely nothing to wear.

 

 

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Top 5 Things The South Has Taught Me

1- The terms “honey, darling, sugar, and sweetie” do not necessarily convey positive sentiments. When delivered just right, they can be the most hateful words you’ve ever heard.

2- Shoes are wildly overrated. Only necessary when going to town or to church.

3- If she can’t make good sweet tea, she ain’t fit to wed. 

4- If it grows in the garden, it’s good enough to fry.

5- Relatives are great for borrowing pick-ups, helping you move, and giving you ridiculous nicknames. Just ask Teeny, Doodle, Shug, or Bugs [all members of my sweet family].

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Top 5 Reasons I Will Never Forget My Roots

1- I can’t pass an F150 without getting nostalgic about my sweet grandpa and learning how to drive…at age 12.

2- As much as I love sushi and fondue, it will never compare to down home BBQ.

3- I know every word to every Travis Tritt song ever written…and still kind of have a crush on him. Judge away.

4- On my most recent trip home, one of my relatives began a sentence with “last time I was locked up.”

5- I don’t know how to cook…but I can fry anything.

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Top 5 Southern Words That Make Me Giggle

1- Ideeclare- “I declare”

Ideeclare, that Janice Jenkins becomes more of a trollop each year.

2- Jeetyet?- “Have you eaten?”

Jeetyet? Let’s go on down ta’ Miss Jackie’s for some catfish.

3- “Winda”- Also known as a “window”

Hand me my tea hon, it’s sittin’ on the winda.

4- Ya’ll’s- “your group’s/family’s

Is that ya’ll’s? If so, take it home where it belongs.

5- Cottonpickin’- “difficult and unfavorable”

I’ll come as soon as I find my cottonpickin’ keys.

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