Tag Archives: rules

Top 5 Things You Should Just Forget About

1- Getting a decent parking spot on any college campus. In related news, don’t even try to park illegally…fifty bucks says there is a parking services agent hiding in the bushes. 

2- Wearing your hair down in this heat. Don’t lie girl, you know that ‘do is gonna be in a topknot before you even make it to the subway.

3- Waking up early to work out on the weekend. I’ve told myself this was going to happen, oh, a few THOUSAND times in my life…and I’ve never done it once.

4- Acting funny, witty, smooth, or refined when needed. Sorry player, this is going to be the EXACT moment you knock over your glass and/or get a piece of basil stuck in your teeth.

5- Choosing the “right” line in security. It’s always a gamble…and I inevitably get stuck behind the newb who forgets to take out his laptop…way to hold up the entire.freaking.line. dude…

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Top 5 Times I Don’t Play

1- If you cut me in line. Guess what? I didn’t stand here for 30 min to save your place…now git.

2- When threatened. Go ‘head with your bad self. I don’t like to fight…but I’m not afraid to bleed.

3- When my song/show is playing. Silence, I tell you! Silence!

4- On a road trip. You get one stop per every four hours…use it wisely.

5- When my food arrives. Don’t even think about touching it unless you have something desirable to offer in return (but in that case…taste away!).

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Top 5 Rules of Shopping

1- If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit—No matter the style, the deal, the absolute beauty of the piece…it will not/should not be worn if the cut is unflattering.

2- Know your colors—For me, it’s reds, oranges, and yellows…but never (ever ever) blue! Don’t waste time trying on looks that you know won’t work!

3- Know your shape—You know what I love? Wrap dresses. You know what I never wear? Wrap dresses. Sorry Diane, but your creation is ungodly unflattering on me. I’ll appreciate from afar, thankyouverymuch.

4- Invest in what you need, not what you want—For so many years, I would spend way more money on a super glitzy pair of (uncomfortable) heels or a fabulous cocktail dress…only to wear  them once a year. Now, those funds are allocated to ballet flats, blazers, and nice jeans…and I couldn’t be happier with the decision!

5- Bargains take brains—The cheaper the outfit, the more brains required to make it look good. While anybody can rock a head-to-toe Chanel look, it takes real savviness to keep that clearance bin find chic. Pay attention to fabric, cut, and color and you’ll be fine!!

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Top 5 Things I Hope You Know

1- That “alot” is not a word. Never has been. We had a lot of fun at the birthday bash…see what I did there? It’s called a space bar.

2- That you stand on the right side of the escalator (and allow people to walk past you on the left). Passports should be revoked for breaking this international rule of conduct.

3- That prescriptions are what you take to over-medicate yourself for ADD, OCD, or whatever the latest condition is to hit the market. Subscriptions are for magazines. 

4- That reading something does not make it true. Investigate so you don’t look like a dumbass. ***Particularly useful when relating to Facebook “Shares” (hint: check out snopes.com).

5- That food matters…so try everyday to make good choices! Don’t turn your temple into a trash dump.

 

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Top 5 Things That Should Be Outlawed…Forever

1- Tan/Nude leggings. You look naked, girlfriend.

2- Singing too loudly along with the radio. Everyone has this friend…and we all want to smack him/her in the face.  [This also goes for those who sing unintentionally operatic versions of pop/rock/rap songs…know your genre, people]

3- Chris Brown.

4- Overweight baggage fees. I’m sorry, I have better ways to spend that 100+ dollars thankyouverymuch.

5- Lawn mowers before 11:00 am. Furthermore, breaking this particular ordinance should be punishable by death.

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