Tag Archives: rude

Top 5 Commuters Who Should Just Disappear

1- The a-hole who sits spread eagle with his (already large) frame. Usually seen taking up 3/4 of the only available bench. Go you-know-what yourself dude.

2- The panicky rico suave who freaks if someone steps on his precious shoes. If they were that nice, you wouldn’t be on the train…mmmk?

3- Anyone who eats anything remotely resembling food. It’s like watching someone eat in the bathroom…Heebiejeebies.

4- The Metrocard fumbler…I don’t care if you have to duck under the turnstile, when that train is coming you better MOVE son!

5- The perv. There’s one on every train and it never gets less awkward or creepy. Blegh!

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Top 5 People I Don’t Understand

1- Gym rats that fit in an extra session at lunch. While I admire the dedication, what do you do with your hair? How do you have time to shower? Do you not feel gross the rest of the afternoon? How does this work??

2- Shoppers who must buy the outfit as displayed on the mannequin. Where’s the creativity? The personal touch? Aren’t you afraid you’ll run into someone dressed the exact same way as you? The horror!

3- Moviegoers who feel the need to talk during a film. It’s not okay and everyone hates you.

4- Parents who give in to tantrums and expect that to fix the problem. Congratulations, you just won 17 more years of brattiness. Was that extra toy really worth it?

5- Worrywarts who torture themselves with coulda, woulda, shoulda. It’s over. If you can’t change what happened, you might as well accept it and get on with your bad self. Next!

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Top 5 Things I Want To Yell At People

1- MOVE!! Generally towards large crowds of tourists, children on scooters, and cell phone zombies.

2- STFU!! Not sure why, but I can’t stand to hear about the personal lives of strangers while they’re on the phone. Maybe because I can’t see who they’re talking to? Weird.

3- Make up your damn mind! It’s a lunch order…not the name of your first-born, for Christ’s sake.

4- You so fine!! This one often comes to mind when I see impromptu soccer games/joggers in Central Park.

5- You go girl!! If only it were acceptable to shout encouragement to random citizens for rocking their style, killing it at the gym, or exercising their artistic talents…

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Top 5 Things I Hope You Know

1- That “alot” is not a word. Never has been. We had a lot of fun at the birthday bash…see what I did there? It’s called a space bar.

2- That you stand on the right side of the escalator (and allow people to walk past you on the left). Passports should be revoked for breaking this international rule of conduct.

3- That prescriptions are what you take to over-medicate yourself for ADD, OCD, or whatever the latest condition is to hit the market. Subscriptions are for magazines. 

4- That reading something does not make it true. Investigate so you don’t look like a dumbass. ***Particularly useful when relating to Facebook “Shares” (hint: check out snopes.com).

5- That food matters…so try everyday to make good choices! Don’t turn your temple into a trash dump.

 

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Top 5 Moments Worth The Jail Time

1- Making a U-turn to avoid driving 982348723 miles until the next stoplight.

2- Illegally parking to run to the bank/post office/mailbox for .2 seconds.

3- Standing up for yourself when confronted by a bully. Go ‘head with your bad self.

4- Doing whatever necessary to make your obnoxious seat mate stop snoring. Hey, can I borrow that tissue paper pillow for a sec?

5- Any vehicular damage caused by someone trying to steal your parking spot. I plead not guilty.

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