Tag Archives: rockstar

Top 5 Signs You’re Too Old For This Sh*&

1- One night out means at least two full days of recovery…which means you spend the rest of your weekend with Seamless and Netflix. So not a cute look, girlfriend.

2- You leave bars because they’re too loud and you can’t participate in meaningful conversation…because, ya know, that’s what everyone is looking for on a Saturday night.

3- The thought of taking a Fireball shot makes you want to hurl…EVEN if it’s completely free of charge.

4- You leave happy hour at a reasonable hour so you can take your dog out…and don’t harbor any resentment towards your furry friend.

5- When you see someone living out their rockstar fantasies, you secretly thank your lucky stars that it’s not you. Live and let live!

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Top 5 Ideas That I Don’t Buy

1- The “we’re on a break” cop out. There’s a reason why “a break” sounds a lot like “breaking up”…because they’re the same damn thing.

2- The “he/she has commitment issues” excuse. In most cases, the person just doesn’t like you enough to give up their independence. Brutal, but true.

3- The “purchase two get one free” scam. Unless it’s a necessity (toothpaste, paper towels, soap), chances are you don’t need/wouldn’t buy that extra item ordinarily…so you’re still spending more than you planned. Jedi mind trick for the win.

4- Energy drinks. First of all, they’re disgusting. Second of all, I’ve never felt any energy boosts afterwards. Placebo effect, anyone?

5- The “citizenship” award. Great, thanks. Now where are the real accolades??

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