Tag Archives: retail

Top 5 Ideas That I Don’t Buy

1- The “we’re on a break” cop out. There’s a reason why “a break” sounds a lot like “breaking up”…because they’re the same damn thing.

2- The “he/she has commitment issues” excuse. In most cases, the person just doesn’t like you enough to give up their independence. Brutal, but true.

3- The “purchase two get one free” scam. Unless it’s a necessity (toothpaste, paper towels, soap), chances are you don’t need/wouldn’t buy that extra item ordinarily…so you’re still spending more than you planned. Jedi mind trick for the win.

4- Energy drinks. First of all, they’re disgusting. Second of all, I’ve never felt any energy boosts afterwards. Placebo effect, anyone?

5- The “citizenship” award. Great, thanks. Now where are the real accolades??

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Top 5 Things That Always Seem Suspect

1- The “traffic was terrible/train was delayed/accident on the highway” excuse. Most of us have used this one at some point in our lives…thus no one actually believes it.

2- The sickeningly sweet “do you want to save 10% today?!” request from retailers. Listen sir/madam, I know you don’t care two licks about my savings. What you do care about is meeting your credit card sign-up quota…and frankly, that’s none of my concern.

3- The “unlimited mimosas” trend at local brunch spots. How does this even work?? Does the restaurant not take a beating in profits?? Surely there’s a trick in here somewhere.

4- Any child/teenager that washes your car for no apparent reason. Might wanna go ahead and brace yourself.

5- When a person under the age of 40 goes through and “likes” all of your profile pics. To quote Mariah, why you so obsessed with me?!

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