Tag Archives: people

Top 5 People I Don’t Understand

1- Gym rats that fit in an extra session at lunch. While I admire the dedication, what do you do with your hair? How do you have time to shower? Do you not feel gross the rest of the afternoon? How does this work??

2- Shoppers who must buy the outfit as displayed on the mannequin. Where’s the creativity? The personal touch? Aren’t you afraid you’ll run into someone dressed the exact same way as you? The horror!

3- Moviegoers who feel the need to talk during a film. It’s not okay and everyone hates you.

4- Parents who give in to tantrums and expect that to fix the problem. Congratulations, you just won 17 more years of brattiness. Was that extra toy really worth it?

5- Worrywarts who torture themselves with coulda, woulda, shoulda. It’s over. If you can’t change what happened, you might as well accept it and get on with your bad self. Next!

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Top 5 Signs You’re With An Old Friend

1- You don’t feel weird about borrowing their deodorant and/or hairbrush…and it doesn’t even cross your mind to ask first.

2- You reminisce about the hot guys in college…and wonder if they ever eventually started wearing shirts.

3- You don’t feel judged for sleeping until noon…or going to bed before midnight on a Saturday night.

4- You still hate the same people.

5-You remind each other of the total doofuses you’ve dated in the past…and thank your lucky stars that the best is yet to come!

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Top 5 Side Effects Of Driving 15+ Hours

1- You are either doing the “I’m just gonna rest one eye” trick or you’re so jacked up on caffeine that you won’t sleep for weeks (when given the opportunity, choose the latter).

2- Your knuckles are crazy sore from clutching the wheel during multiple torrential downpours…rain, rain, for the love of god, PLEASE go away!

3- You are now a lyrical expert on the entire Top 40 list…because the same songs play over and over and over again. Thanks for that, RiRi.

4- If driving alone, you are mind-numbingly bored and lonely. If driving with others, you never want to see another human being for the rest of your life.

5- Your bathroom standards have lowered exponentially.

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Top 5 Reasons I Hate Being Sick

1- Shocking as it may sound, I don’t like people assuming I have a narcotics problem…and my red/raw nose does not help this case.

2- I also don’t like for people to be scared of me…and, even though I can’t blame them, it always dings your pride a little when you see a stranger create as much distance between you and them as possible.  It’s just allergies, I swear!

3- I never purchase Kleenex and am thus forced to deplete my valuable paper resources.

4- Coughing is so gross. And it hurts. Make it go away, please?

5- It gives me an excuse to indulge in my already indulgent tendencies…sleep, television, and feel-good food. Ay Caramba.

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Top 5 Reasons To Take Public Transportation

1- You don’t have to stand in the cold and pump your own gas. Or, God forbid, walk inside to pay because you found the one station in your county without a credit card machine.

2- You make friends who will sometimes share their snacks. While the most common offer comes as a preemptive strike in the form of minty freshness, every now and then you get leftover Halloween candy or…even better…birthday cupcakes!

3- You can use it as an excuse to not answer your phone. Boo-yah!!

4- You have the power to save money, help the environment, and SLEEP all the way to work! Full on superhero status before 8:00 am.

5- You really feel like part of the absurd merry-go-round we call life…which can be oddly refreshing after eight hours in a stuffy and well-mannered office. Confused by what I’m saying? Go to Penn Station around 5:00 and report back to us.

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