Tag Archives: party

Top 5 Reasons I Didn’t Blog

1- I went to Vegas and was too busy searching high and low for Prince Harry.

2- I visited my grandma in rural South Carolina. She has a dial-up internet connection…’nuff said.

3- I had a gig in San Francisco. I was in perma-shock from the climate and couldn’t write (60 degrees in JULY…are you freaking kidding me?!).

4- I watched a live taping of America’s Got Talent and was thisclose to Scary Spice and Howard Stern. It takes a while to get over something like that. 

5- I got a new JOB! Time is now limited…but beauty products are flowing like wine—Masques, Moisturizers, and Minerals…oh my!

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Top 5 Ways To Host An Impressive Shindig

1- Offer speciality drinks in a fancy glass. Since the first thing people do is grab a drink, this immediately lets your guests know they’re in for a good time.

2- Make sure you have fresh flowers. An extra touch impresses much!

3- Have a steady supply of party-pleasing tunes. Nothing is more awkward than the silent spell caused by someone picking a new playlist.

4- Keep the lights low. No one actually wants to be seen getting jiggy with it.

5- DO NOT RUN OUT OF LIBATIONS. Sadly, even your best of friends will call it quits if this happens.

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Top 5 Things That Should Always Be Celebrated

1- Your grandma’s birthday. Chances are, this little lady has lived through wars, unmedicated childbirth, and life without Wi-Fi….she deserves a damn birthday cake.

2- The 4th of July. It’s in the summer. It’s a drama-free holiday. You’re promised burgers, booze, and fireworks…God Bless America, indeed!

3- The return to singledom. Ain’t no party like a breakup party, ‘cuz a breakup party don’t stop…until you decide to take home the cheesy, but sweet, bearded bartender (who will now and forever be referred to as Rebound Robert).

4- Career advancement. Howwww many baby showers have you attended? Howww many presents have you purchased for these little gatherings? Correct me if I’m wrong, but that promotion *may* have taken a little more work than babymaking. Wine gifting should be mandatory.

5- Your favorite show. As ridiculous as it may sound, most people have at least ONE show that they cannot live without. You feel like part of the family, you hurt when they hurt, you root for that one special character…and you go nuts when the season returns. So gather your other groupies, make themed drinks/snacks, and celebrate the return of the Targaryens (or Lannisters, Starks, Tyrells…).

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Top 5 Moments Everyone Should Experience

1- Graduation day. Whether your school has cap and gowns, white summer dresses, or those happy wizard costumes worn by PhDs…enjoy it. Revel in it. Drown yourself in champagne…then wake up and get to work, son.

2- Morning bliss. That moment when you wake up before your someone, look at them as they sleep, and swear to yourself that you’ve never seen anything more beautiful.

3- Physical domination. You ran the ENTIRE 10k? You volunteered and roofed a freaking HOUSE? Whatever it is, everyone deserves an endorphin-filled/glorious moment of sweaty sovereignty.

4- Ego karma. You know the scene…you accidentally let your humility slide and say something that the real you would NEVER say. Then someone calls you on it—and you both know you deserve it. Consider it a lesson learned [and a free pass to check the next toolbag you encounter].

5- Kid giggles. Is there anything more fulfilling than making a wee one laugh uncontrollably? Nope! It’s instant therapy and you get to bust out your old cookie monster impression. Win-Win, I say.

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Top 5 Things I Don’t Want To Hear About

1- Your calorie counting. It’s horrible enough to have to listen to your own brain do the math.

2- The problem you refuse to fix (by far, toxic relationships top this list!).

3- Food shopping. I just don’t understand the excitement.

4- The 10 guys that hit on you at last night’s party. Newsflash, you sound like an asshole.

5- Any long drawn out “issue” discussion. We’re all screwed up…accept this little fact and be happy with the company!

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Top 5 Things Adults Don’t Do

1- Go to Panama City, Myrtle Beach, or Daytona Beach for Spring Break. Let the kids have this one, ya’ll.

2- Proudly display Hollister, American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch, or Aeropostale across their chests. If you’re over 18, you look like an ass.

3- Take the cheesiest slice, the corner piece of cake, or the last cookie when there is a child who hopes and dreams you may kill with these simple actions.

4- Make negative comments about their job on social media sites…or talk about it too much in general. The only people who care are the ones that might fire you.

5- Sacrifice the well-being of pets, children, employment, and/or family for more sleep. Consider rest your evolutionary survival tax!

(Welcome back from break, everyone! xoxo)

 

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Top 5 Reasons To Attend Grad School

1- You’re tired of the whole eight/nine hours of sleep each night. Three will suffice, right?

2- You’re sick of your family and would prefer to not see them for two to three years…

3- You want a free pass to act like a college student again, but with the added thrill of avoiding your undergrad students while you partake in these activities.

4- You love, love, love sifting through dozens of articles for one solid reference to go in your lit review. Rinse, Wash, Repeat.

5- You’ve always wanted an old war buddy to share stories with…but aren’t too keen on flying shrapnel and camouflage cargo pants.

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Top 5 Ways I Know I’m Not 22 Anymore

1- It’s Saturday night and I’m within 200 feet of a computer.

2- I refer to men I like/date by their actual name…ya know, instead of “quicksilver store guy,” “the scotsman,” or most embarrassingly, “ace with the tattoos.”

3- At this very moment, I have no inexplicable body injuries–no weird waffle shaped bruises, no twisted ankles…and no skinned knees, mom!

4- I spend more money on food than drinks. When did this start happening?!

5- I wake up before noon on weekends…EVEN WHEN I DON’T HAVE TO!!! Can’t say I ever saw this one coming, folks.

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