Tag Archives: mom

Top 5 Things I’ve Inherited From My Mother

1- Little to no self-control when presented with beautiful things….and the ability to pinpoint the tiniest differences between what I want and already own. So what if I already have 3 pointy-toed black pumps? These have a TEXTURED heel!!

2- A quick wit and sharp sense of humor that keeps the bullies at bay. Word to the wise, don’t start something you can’t finish.***

3- I’m a mean, mean, mean hungry person.

4- Silliness and a playful ease around children. You’re Big Bird and I’m Oscar the Grouch? Cool, just give me a sec to hop into the garbage can.

5- Ridiculously good looks. Kidding. Well, maybe. All I know is a stranger once called me out as her daughter, so there’s definitely a resemblance.

***A gift passed down from my ace of a grandpa.

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Top 5 Reasons I Love Country Music

1- It reminds me of going to little bluegrass shacks as a child and listening to my mama sing.

2- Not sure why, but I love a good sad song…and no one sings ’em better than Patsy.

3- You haven’t lived until you’ve heard a crowd of drunks really get into “You don’t have to call me darlin.” Or perhaps been one of them…

4- Dolly Parton is my hero…always has been, always will be. 

5- I still have a crush on 1990s Travis Tritt. Drift off to dream indeed…

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Top 5 Words You Never Want To Hear Your Mom Say

1- Sexy. Gross, gross, ga-rossss!! Full body cringe, indeed.

2- Insurance. A stressful conversation is bound to follow, no doubt.

3- Marriage. Let’s cross that bridge when we get there, mmk? 

4- Your *insert family member here. When they stop becoming hers and suddenly belong only to you, family drama is a’ brewing.

5- Excuse me?! Uh-oh…now you’ve done it. Best bet is to make yourself scarce.

 

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Top 5 Ways To Turn Around A Craptastic Day

1- If the weather is nice, go to the store and purchase your most favorite mag. Next, pick a cute little restaurant, sit outside, and have a great meal while you read the magazine front-back. It’s the perfect way to de-stress!

2-  Choose your favorite artist (or buy the new record you’ve been wanting) and turn it on while you take a long, relaxing bath. Extra points if you exfoliate.

3- Go to the gym and rock out to hardcore rock/rap. You’ll be ready to kick some ass in no time.

4- Order your favorite delivery and have a DVR party for one. However, limit yourself to three episodes…more than that and you just start to feel worse.

5- If all else fails, call your mom.

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Top 5 Reasons I Should Maybe Settle Down

1- I’m sick of carrying my own f*&^i@g luggage.

2- I’m petite (i.e. short) and can never reach the top shelf of anything.

3- I figure two minds have a higher likelihood of remembering to put the trash out for pick-up.

4- My mother will kill me if I don’t pass her good looks on to future generations.

5- Jon Hamm isn’t getting any younger.

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