Tag Archives: Metrocard

Top 5 Commuters Who Should Just Disappear

1- The a-hole who sits spread eagle with his (already large) frame. Usually seen taking up 3/4 of the only available bench. Go you-know-what yourself dude.

2- The panicky rico suave who freaks if someone steps on his precious shoes. If they were that nice, you wouldn’t be on the train…mmmk?

3- Anyone who eats anything remotely resembling food. It’s like watching someone eat in the bathroom…Heebiejeebies.

4- The Metrocard fumbler…I don’t care if you have to duck under the turnstile, when that train is coming you better MOVE son!

5- The perv. There’s one on every train and it never gets less awkward or creepy. Blegh!

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Top 5 Ways I Keep It Real

1- Handwritten notes. While it may be prehistoric, my love of stationary requires that I keep up this tradition. Don’t worry though, I still send the obligatory “Happy Birthday” post online.

2- Cowboy boots. No, not the silly little $30 ones from TJ Maxx. Real, live boots…worn with real, live jeans. The kind that have clocked the same amount of hours in the fields as they have on city streets.

3- The ‘Zuk. I’ve had the same car since my senior year of high school. She’s small, has great gas mileage, and above all, doesn’t require any car payments. We’ve been together for 10 years now and I love her dearly.

4- Music. My tastes have not drastically changed since 1996. My typical Pandora rotation goes a little something like this: Tom Petty, Travis Tritt, Rod Stewart, Prince, Billy Joel, Garth Brooks.

5- Public Transit. Nothing more real than that.

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Top 5 Things I Say Quite Regularly

1- No thank you—No I don’t want to attend your free comedy show/buy your tacky counterfeit of an already tacky bag/watch an impromptu one-man show, but yes I will keep my southern manners.

2- Do you take cards?—Believe it or not (as it is the 21st century), many establishments in the NYC area are cash only…and I never have cash. It’s an endless cycle.

3- I wanna go there!!—Even though I travel a good bit, I still have thousands (if not more!) of destinations on the wish list. #travelproblems

4- Where the F*&% is my MetroCard?—#nycproblems

5- My feet hurt—Yes, I realize this is a problem of my own making. No, I will not give up my heels. Someone pass me the Tylenol.

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Top 5 (Reasonably Harmless) Things That Make Me Want To Rage

1- Restaurants that do not offer wi-fi…I mean, wtf. It’s the 21st century. Join the real world people (I’m talking to you, Europe).

2- Commercials on Pandora. I get it—that’s how they pay their bills—but I’m in the middle of a workout and the only thing getting me through it is picturing Adam Levine singing only to me…shirtless.

3- When a screwdriver is needed to change a freaking battery. Might as well throw the offending item away.

4- When I’m forced (yet again) to buy another $10 Metrocard because I left my (fully paid) one at home. *#*&!@#*!@#&!@#&!@#*!!!

5- When I pour a perfectly delicious bowl of cereal…and realize there’s no milk. So, so sad.
 

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