Tag Archives: men

Top 5 Things That Secretly Annoy Me…Until Now

1- Complaints about the amount of advertising in fashion magazines. Um hello, that’s the best part!! It’s the quickest/easiest way to pinpoint new aesthetics for the season and, quite honestly, is just really pretty!

2- When people proudly espouse opinions that are held by the general public. Yes, if you go in Wal-Mart you will most likely encounter interesting sides of humanity…and the root ingredients used by Taco Bell are probably found in tire rubber and petrol. Tell me something I don’t know. 

3- Recipes. Just another form of being told what to do.

4- Group texts. As most of you probably know, I’m not a phone person…and every time that dadblamed notification goes off it stresses me out. Plus, there’s always that one person who doesn’t know when to let it go.

5- Men who always let their wives dress them, no questions asked. First of all, get some opinions and a backbone. Secondly, leave the mothering to your mother.

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Top 5 Things I Find Wildly Unattractive

1- Chatty men- When I go on and on about my friends’ personal lives, I better see a hint of mild disinterest on your face.

2- Sneakers with jeans- It just can’t help but look a little…dorky. Nothing a pair of boots or loafers can’t fix.

3- Paying at dinner/movies/concerts/etc- Sure, I’ll go for the reach every time…and I completely agree that it’s unfair that this double standard exists. But exist it does.

4- Polo shirts with an athletic allegiance- Just not for me and I’ll say no more.

5- Swoop haircuts- If it looks anything like your preacher, politician, or 8-year-old self would sport…say hello to the swoop. 

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Top 5 Looks I Can’t Help But Give

1- The “I know you are not about to eat off my plate” stare.

2- The ever-so-slight “I don’t believe a word out of your mouth” smile.

3- The “You did NOT just say that to my friend” glare.

4- The “So you work out twice a day and speak three languages?” ogle.

5- The “It’s too early and you’re way too loud” scowl.

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Top 5 Rules of Nature

1- No matter how powerful/successful you are, you are nothing compared to the entity that brings about hurricanes, tornados, tsunamis, etc…so don’t get too big for your britches.

2- Darwinism is alive and real…so going swimming after that fifth beer is not the greatest idea.

3- If you don’t know what it is, don’t touch it.

4- When drawing attention to yourself for mating purposes, make sure you’re not also attracting dangerous predators.

5- Be capable of fighting and/or flighting…otherwise your lifespan doesn’t look that promising.

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Top 5 Reasons I Date Foreigners

1- When they say something you don’t like, it’s easy to chalk it up to translation issues.

2- The likelihood of traveling somewhere exotic is increased tenfold.

3- I am determined for my children to have dual passports.

4- They oftentimes know how to cook interesting and unusual food…excluding the Brits, naturally.

5- Who doesn’t want to be told they’re beautiful in multiple languages?!

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Top 5 Things I Just Can’t Accept

1- That my friends are actually starting to have children ON PURPOSE. When did this start happening?!?!

2- That in Manhattan it costs $23.00 for a mani/pedi and $8.00 for a box of cereal. Clearly, there is something wrong with this picture.

3- That white shoes are “in”—nope, nope, nope. I shall not agree to this nonsense.

4- That Gwyneth Paltrow is the “World’s Most Beautiful Woman”…sorry I’m not sorry, G-Pal. 

5- That all the good ones are taken. Surely there is a male version of myself out there…minus the clumsiness and inability to follow directions. ***must also carry luggage.

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Top 5 Things That Creep Me Out

1- Men shopping (alone or with their partner) for lingerie. So freaking gross.

2- When people smile in a knowing way when they say bad news. This may sound weird, but you totally know what I’m talking about. It’s a practice generally done by preachers or politicians…and it makes me uncomfortable every time.

3- Habitual Group Joiners. OMG THIS WEEK I’M INTO KABBALLAH AND IT’S THE BEST THING EVER AND I’M SO HAPPY. ..next week:  OMG THIS WEEK I’M VEGAN AND IT’S THE BEST THING EVER AND I’M NEVER GOING BACK…next week:  OMG THIS WEEK I’M DOING PILATES AND IT’S EXACTLY WHAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR….Just STFU and be who you are already.

4- Chalk. Oh the texture! It makes me want to jump in a vat of vaseline and swim laps.

5- People who have an exaggerated sense of pride over owning certain brands. I mean, I appreciate Coco as much as the next girl…but I would never say “It’s Chanel” and smile haughtily to my friends. Don’t be a weirdo.

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