Tag Archives: living

Top 5 Reasons I Like 2014

1- I always do better in even-numbered years. While 21 was fun in ’07, I am quite certain it wasn’t my most productive year yet (unless you take into account my ability to keep a 3.0 whilst spending most of my days [booze] cruising the Charleston harbor :/ 🙂 ].

2- I have SEVERAL fun weddings to look forward to…which means reunions, champagne, and fabulous Instagram photos galore. #bringit

3- I know I will go to Europe at least once this year. Makes the whole newly-adopted 40 hours/week thing bearable.

4- I love my living situation. New York, you know I love ya…but damn it feels good to have a washer and dryer.

5- I still have two years before I need to have my sh*% completely together. 

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Top 5 Signs You’re Too Old For This Sh*&

1- One night out means at least two full days of recovery…which means you spend the rest of your weekend with Seamless and Netflix. So not a cute look, girlfriend.

2- You leave bars because they’re too loud and you can’t participate in meaningful conversation…because, ya know, that’s what everyone is looking for on a Saturday night.

3- The thought of taking a Fireball shot makes you want to hurl…EVEN if it’s completely free of charge.

4- You leave happy hour at a reasonable hour so you can take your dog out…and don’t harbor any resentment towards your furry friend.

5- When you see someone living out their rockstar fantasies, you secretly thank your lucky stars that it’s not you. Live and let live!

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Top 5 Things A Good New Yorker Will Never Do

1- Take too long in the bagel line. Not only will this get you cursed out before 8 am, it will also ruin your rep at the local coffee shop. Which, we all know, takes years to curate and seconds to dismantle.

2- Placidly take up multiple seats while hoards of people file into the subway car. Do this and you deserve to get jumped [quite possibly by me].

3- Walk in midtown with eyes gleefully aimed towards the sky. Yes, the buildings are big. Yes, it looks *just like* the movies. In other news, people actually have to get work…so speed it up, yo.

4- Fangirl/boy out at the sight of a celeb. Don’t get me wrong, we totally want to…but we have the dedication and wherewithal to save this nonsense for when we are alone/tweeting to all of our friends back home.

5- Act rude or haughty to a taxi driver. We all know they hold the real power.

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Top 5 Things That Are Best In Moderation

1- E! News. It’s always good to be plugged into pop culture…but when you can recite the dating history of the entire Pretty Little Liars cast, you might have a problem.

2- Working out. The more intense a person gets about fitness, the less fun they are to be around. No one wants a friend who spends their life in spandex and cut-off tanks.

3- Drinking. Trust me, your sloppy rendition of Nelly’s “Ride Wit Me” isn’t quite as cute as you think [even though it’s a GREAT song].

4- Tweeting. Never clog up someone’s feed, it’s annoying and unbecoming.

5- Krispy Kreme. Never buy more than two at a time…and GOD FORBID do not buy a dozen if you live alone. Even Gandhi couldn’t exercise that kind of self-control.

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Top 5 Things NYC Has Taught Me

1- Forget diamonds and rosé, the true sign of luxury is a washer/dryer, dishwasher, and a/c unit.

2- As soon as a taxi stops, open the door and get in the car. Once you’re in, they have to take you to your location…but oftentimes they’ll attempt to drive off if they don’t want to go that direction.

3- The world is controlled by fast-walkers…so get moving.

4- Never take a taxi during rush hour. There is nothing more irritating than pedestrians passing your cab while the meter steadily ticks away.

5- The world is a very small place. For example, last week I met someone from the same small town in SC (population 175) in my local coffee shop. In a city of 9 million. Cuhrazy.

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Top 5 Reasons I Should Maybe Settle Down

1- I’m sick of carrying my own f*&^i@g luggage.

2- I’m petite (i.e. short) and can never reach the top shelf of anything.

3- I figure two minds have a higher likelihood of remembering to put the trash out for pick-up.

4- My mother will kill me if I don’t pass her good looks on to future generations.

5- Jon Hamm isn’t getting any younger.

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Top 5 Things Every Girl Should Keep In Her Car

1- Tweezers- You will never, and I mean ever, find better lighting for plucking your brows!

2- Floss/Toothbrush- Because, well, being “safe” can take on so many connotations…

3- Sassy Black Heels/Comfy Flats- You never know when life will throw you an impromptu night out…or a pair of painful new pumps. Be prepared!

4- A wall AND car charger for your phone- Sadly, in our new world, there is nothing more terrifying and unsettling than being disconnected from your 4G/5G/987G. Don’t get caught in the dead zone.

5- Real, live cash money- What?! That still exists you say? Alas my friend, it does. And as someone who has personally had to dig around in my floorboard (whilst holding up traffic) to pay a $1.50 toll, I can say that it is a glorious thing to have at your disposal.

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Top 5 Things Adults Don’t Do

1- Go to Panama City, Myrtle Beach, or Daytona Beach for Spring Break. Let the kids have this one, ya’ll.

2- Proudly display Hollister, American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch, or Aeropostale across their chests. If you’re over 18, you look like an ass.

3- Take the cheesiest slice, the corner piece of cake, or the last cookie when there is a child who hopes and dreams you may kill with these simple actions.

4- Make negative comments about their job on social media sites…or talk about it too much in general. The only people who care are the ones that might fire you.

5- Sacrifice the well-being of pets, children, employment, and/or family for more sleep. Consider rest your evolutionary survival tax!

(Welcome back from break, everyone! xoxo)

 

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Top 5 Ways You Know You’ve Made It

1- You take taxis whenever the feeling strikes. Don’t feeling like walking in sub-zero temps to the closest L train? Hail a cab! Not in the mood to stare at a stranger’s crotch on a packed subway ride? You don’t have to! Oh how I dream of this day…

2- You no longer stress over the tip/service ratio. Did she REALLY deserve 25% for that mediocre service? After all, those extra two bucks could buy you a morning coffee next week…but what if someone is watching? Scheisse.

3- You never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever have to stay in a hostel again. Suc-cess!!

4- You shop in a posh food market. Notice how I didn’t say grocery store? Organic lollipops for all!

5- You own a Burberry trench.  **Note: This is my own personal yard stick of progress.

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