Tag Archives: lines

Top 5 Things You Should Just Forget About

1- Getting a decent parking spot on any college campus. In related news, don’t even try to park illegally…fifty bucks says there is a parking services agent hiding in the bushes. 

2- Wearing your hair down in this heat. Don’t lie girl, you know that ‘do is gonna be in a topknot before you even make it to the subway.

3- Waking up early to work out on the weekend. I’ve told myself this was going to happen, oh, a few THOUSAND times in my life…and I’ve never done it once.

4- Acting funny, witty, smooth, or refined when needed. Sorry player, this is going to be the EXACT moment you knock over your glass and/or get a piece of basil stuck in your teeth.

5- Choosing the “right” line in security. It’s always a gamble…and I inevitably get stuck behind the newb who forgets to take out his laptop…way to hold up the entire.freaking.line. dude…

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Top 5 Times I Don’t Play

1- If you cut me in line. Guess what? I didn’t stand here for 30 min to save your place…now git.

2- When threatened. Go ‘head with your bad self. I don’t like to fight…but I’m not afraid to bleed.

3- When my song/show is playing. Silence, I tell you! Silence!

4- On a road trip. You get one stop per every four hours…use it wisely.

5- When my food arrives. Don’t even think about touching it unless you have something desirable to offer in return (but in that case…taste away!).

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Top 5 Things That Are Worse Than Hell

1- Waiting in theme park lines. While similar to hell (same temperature/crowd), this little adventure is made worse by the fact that you are actually spending insane amounts of money to do.nothing for the majority of the day.

2- Editing your résumé. Holy sh&^ this is the worst. All you want to do is send them a secret text that says “what do you wannnnt from me?!”…and don’t even get me started on margins.

3- Suddenly and inexplicably finding yourself surrounded by Republicans. ***

4- Sleeping with someone who snores. You think to yourself, “I mean…would it REALLY be that bad to just put this pillow over their head? Would I just get a couple of years?…” Alas, these murderous urges are generally resisted…because after all, who would carry the luggage?

5- Watching a cinematic sex scene…while your parents are in the room. You don’t want to make it awkward…but you def don’t want to look too into it…WHO NEEDS ANYTHING FROM THE KITCHEN?!?!

***To be fair, I assume Republicans feel the same way when surrounded by us crazy liberals.

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