Tag Archives: jobs

Top 5 Reasons I Need To Make It Big

1- I really, really love jewels and gemstones. So much it hurts. With that said—most occupations frown upon, say my new antique rhinestone watch, as everyday attire. Hmph.

2- I don’t like maneuvering with the masses. Under most circumstances, you couldn’t pay me to go to a stadium-filled concert (Dolly excluded, obv)…but I still like to partake in the fun. Private concert at Versailles anyone? 

3- Sometimes, weekly manicures are the only thing that makes the world tolerable. 

4- I want to be able to wear what I want, where I want, at any time I want. In other words, caftans and diamonds all day/err day.

5- I would do really nice things. Charitable things. I’ve already gotten my platforms figured out actually, just in case you’re wondering. 

 

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Top 5 Signs You’re Job Searching

1- You have an exceptionally clean Facebook profile.

2- The word Taleo brings chills to your spine.

3- You have two outfits: interview professional and slob.

4- You have a complex about your résumé…is it enough? is it too much? what do they want?!

5- You actually answer random phone calls.

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Top 5 Things That Should Always Be Celebrated

1- Your grandma’s birthday. Chances are, this little lady has lived through wars, unmedicated childbirth, and life without Wi-Fi….she deserves a damn birthday cake.

2- The 4th of July. It’s in the summer. It’s a drama-free holiday. You’re promised burgers, booze, and fireworks…God Bless America, indeed!

3- The return to singledom. Ain’t no party like a breakup party, ‘cuz a breakup party don’t stop…until you decide to take home the cheesy, but sweet, bearded bartender (who will now and forever be referred to as Rebound Robert).

4- Career advancement. Howwww many baby showers have you attended? Howww many presents have you purchased for these little gatherings? Correct me if I’m wrong, but that promotion *may* have taken a little more work than babymaking. Wine gifting should be mandatory.

5- Your favorite show. As ridiculous as it may sound, most people have at least ONE show that they cannot live without. You feel like part of the family, you hurt when they hurt, you root for that one special character…and you go nuts when the season returns. So gather your other groupies, make themed drinks/snacks, and celebrate the return of the Targaryens (or Lannisters, Starks, Tyrells…).

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