Tag Archives: hot

Top 5 Things You Should Just Forget About

1- Getting a decent parking spot on any college campus. In related news, don’t even try to park illegally…fifty bucks says there is a parking services agent hiding in the bushes. 

2- Wearing your hair down in this heat. Don’t lie girl, you know that ‘do is gonna be in a topknot before you even make it to the subway.

3- Waking up early to work out on the weekend. I’ve told myself this was going to happen, oh, a few THOUSAND times in my life…and I’ve never done it once.

4- Acting funny, witty, smooth, or refined when needed. Sorry player, this is going to be the EXACT moment you knock over your glass and/or get a piece of basil stuck in your teeth.

5- Choosing the “right” line in security. It’s always a gamble…and I inevitably get stuck behind the newb who forgets to take out his laptop…way to hold up the entire.freaking.line. dude…

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Top 5 People I Don’t Understand

1- Gym rats that fit in an extra session at lunch. While I admire the dedication, what do you do with your hair? How do you have time to shower? Do you not feel gross the rest of the afternoon? How does this work??

2- Shoppers who must buy the outfit as displayed on the mannequin. Where’s the creativity? The personal touch? Aren’t you afraid you’ll run into someone dressed the exact same way as you? The horror!

3- Moviegoers who feel the need to talk during a film. It’s not okay and everyone hates you.

4- Parents who give in to tantrums and expect that to fix the problem. Congratulations, you just won 17 more years of brattiness. Was that extra toy really worth it?

5- Worrywarts who torture themselves with coulda, woulda, shoulda. It’s over. If you can’t change what happened, you might as well accept it and get on with your bad self. Next!

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Top 5 Looks I Can’t Help But Give

1- The “I know you are not about to eat off my plate” stare.

2- The ever-so-slight “I don’t believe a word out of your mouth” smile.

3- The “You did NOT just say that to my friend” glare.

4- The “So you work out twice a day and speak three languages?” ogle.

5- The “It’s too early and you’re way too loud” scowl.

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Top 5 Signs You’re With An Old Friend

1- You don’t feel weird about borrowing their deodorant and/or hairbrush…and it doesn’t even cross your mind to ask first.

2- You reminisce about the hot guys in college…and wonder if they ever eventually started wearing shirts.

3- You don’t feel judged for sleeping until noon…or going to bed before midnight on a Saturday night.

4- You still hate the same people.

5-You remind each other of the total doofuses you’ve dated in the past…and thank your lucky stars that the best is yet to come!

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Top 5 Reasons I Watch Tennis

1- As far as sports go, it’s one of the few I can actually see myself playing.

2- While not entirely unrelated to the statement above, the outfits can be super cute.

3- Rafael Nadal. Ay Caramba.

4- It’s great background noise…not that distracting and almost always dignified.

5- The arms…oh the arms. Talk about inspiration!

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Top 5 Things You’re Never Too Old To Do

1- Run through the sprinkler. It really doesn’t get better than this…so throw caution (and your silk shirt) to the wind and partake in this time-honored summertime tradition. Extra points if you can toss a trampoline into the mix.

2- Order a kids meal. Whatever, the portions are better and they come in cute little boxes. Just make sure you don’t trash the toy…pay it forward by giving it to a kid on the street or donating to a local hospital/shelter.

3- Fight with your little brother. How long has he known you? Does he really think he’s going to get away with stealing your slice? Time to bust out the ‘ol Hogan moves.

4- Watch Boy Meets World. This show will never, and I repeat NEVER, get old. Here’s hoping the remake [and Topanga’s hair] can stand up to the legend.

5- Call your grandma when you’re sick. Not sure what it is, but my granny always seems to know the appropriate ratio of concern, humor, advice, and cornbread my illnesses deserve.

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Top 5 Things I Want To Yell At People

1- MOVE!! Generally towards large crowds of tourists, children on scooters, and cell phone zombies.

2- STFU!! Not sure why, but I can’t stand to hear about the personal lives of strangers while they’re on the phone. Maybe because I can’t see who they’re talking to? Weird.

3- Make up your damn mind! It’s a lunch order…not the name of your first-born, for Christ’s sake.

4- You so fine!! This one often comes to mind when I see impromptu soccer games/joggers in Central Park.

5- You go girl!! If only it were acceptable to shout encouragement to random citizens for rocking their style, killing it at the gym, or exercising their artistic talents…

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Top 5 Things That Blow My Mind

1- Compasses. Both because they have the capability to navigate ships across the seven seas and because there are people who actually know how to use them.

2- Fax machines. So retro, yet still mystifying.

3- Jon Hamm. Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty good man… SALT N PEPA to the max.

4- Grown-ass adults who can’t parallel park. It’s a life skill, learn it.

5- People who work in bakeries and don’t weigh 500 lbs. I would never last.

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