Tag Archives: hilarious

Top 5 Reasons I Might Swipe Left

***Note: Due to the constant urging of one of my coworkers, I joined last week. The results have been nothing short of hilarious. 

1- Shirtless selfie. While I am the last person to throw the washboard abs out with the bathwater, this just does not bode well for emotional stability. Is that all you have to offer?

2- No bio or misuse of your/you’re in said bio. Ain’t nobody got time for that. 

3- Mutual friends. Sorry, you seem normal but our friends don’t need to know I’m on Tinder. Can’t swipe left fast enough.

4- You say you miss me after less than 24 hours of saying hello. Then proceed with a series of messages asking if I’m okay and will call you (after of course sending your phone number to no response). This actually happened. ***For those of you who know how it works, yes I swiped right on this seemingly cool guy…then had to immediately block him.

5- Kids, guns, lifeless animals, goatees, modeling shots, car photos, gym pics, and a laundry list of other no-nos. Once matched, calling me sweetie, babe, hottie, honey, sexy (barf), and beautiful will all get you disqualified immediately. 

*Honorable Mention*
I’m just in the mood. Nothing worse than swiping too fast and realizing you can’t go back. Oh well, another one bites the dust…

 

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Top 5 Things I Love About Germany

(As I sit in Berlin)

1- Things happen on time. As a fiercely punctual person, this is music to my (always waiting) ears!

2- You roll up everywhere in a Benz….flyest taxis around, for sure.

3- Every male sounds like Hans and Franz…let the giggles ensue.***

4- You get to say “Guten Morgen!!” every.single.day—I don’t know about you, but I call that a win.

5- Everyone speaks English…because lawd knows I could never pronounce half of these words. Exactly how many letters can one add to a word before it becomes stream-of-consciousness mind ooze?

***Yes, I realize they were supposed to be Austrian…but the language is still German!

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