Tag Archives: guilt

Top 5 Things That Always Seem Suspect

1- The “traffic was terrible/train was delayed/accident on the highway” excuse. Most of us have used this one at some point in our lives…thus no one actually believes it.

2- The sickeningly sweet “do you want to save 10% today?!” request from retailers. Listen sir/madam, I know you don’t care two licks about my savings. What you do care about is meeting your credit card sign-up quota…and frankly, that’s none of my concern.

3- The “unlimited mimosas” trend at local brunch spots. How does this even work?? Does the restaurant not take a beating in profits?? Surely there’s a trick in here somewhere.

4- Any child/teenager that washes your car for no apparent reason. Might wanna go ahead and brace yourself.

5- When a person under the age of 40 goes through and “likes” all of your profile pics. To quote Mariah, why you so obsessed with me?!

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Top 5 Reasons I Can’t Wait To Get Older

1- Gardening. I dream of the day when, like my oh-so-lovely grandmother, I know every name of every flower ever grown in every terrain…I mean, how do old people do that?!

2- Saving money on cosmetics—Sephora, plan accordingly. There is a slight chance your stocks will plummet. 

3- Comfortable footwear—Every. Single. Day.

4- Feeling guilt-free when I take the elevator. It will be so nice to not feel so humiliated when caught in this shameful act! Third floor anyone? Let’s ride.

5- Going on girls’ trips to exotic locales—and proving to the world that it just gets better with age. You can get a senior discount on daiquiris, right?

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