Tag Archives: growing up

Top 5 Signs You’re Too Old For This Sh*&

1- One night out means at least two full days of recovery…which means you spend the rest of your weekend with Seamless and Netflix. So not a cute look, girlfriend.

2- You leave bars because they’re too loud and you can’t participate in meaningful conversation…because, ya know, that’s what everyone is looking for on a Saturday night.

3- The thought of taking a Fireball shot makes you want to hurl…EVEN if it’s completely free of charge.

4- You leave happy hour at a reasonable hour so you can take your dog out…and don’t harbor any resentment towards your furry friend.

5- When you see someone living out their rockstar fantasies, you secretly thank your lucky stars that it’s not you. Live and let live!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 5 Things You Can Learn From Children

1- Mine is mine and yours and yours…unless I want it.

2- Life is more fun without shoes and pants.

3- Water is one of the purest forms of entertainment. And nothing is funnier than a soaked babysitter, mommy, or dog.

4- If you don’t understand, ask. Even if the public questioning humiliates your in-the-know counterparts…it’s their fault for keeping secrets.

5- Feeling bullied? Throw a snarky comment the aggressor’s way and go about your business…stops ’em every time. But make sure your comment is actually funny.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 5 Reasons I’m Happy I’m Not 18 Again

1- No matter what happens, I will die knowing I didn’t screw up my education. Seriously, from birth this was my greatest fear!

2- I could not care less if anyone on the planet likes my outfit. I love different and interesting clothes…and am more than happy to let my freak flag fly!

3- I no longer have the “if it’s free I should eat it/drink it” mentality. Less is definitely more, people.

4- I have no fear of subways, bus schedules, european trains, and airports. At 18, navigating these hubs was nothing short of terrifying!

5- I can go into any bar, in any country, and order a glass of wine. My 18 year-old-self would be so jealous.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 5 People I Want To Be When I Grow Up

1- Lisa Vanderpump…she’s got the style, she’s got the accent…and have you seen her bod?! Fifty-plus never looked so good, darling.

2- Salma Hayek…beautiful actress, owns a cosmetic line…and just happens to be married to a French multi-billionaire who controls Alexander McQueen, Gucci, Stella McCartney, Yves Saint Laurent and Bottega Veneta. Are you freaking kidding me?

3- Anna Wintour…God Save the Queen!!

4- Jenna Dewan-Tatum.  This one is self-explanitory.

5- Dolly Parton…my celebrity icon since 1988!  ***Yes, that’s when I was two. There are videos to prove it.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 5 Ways I Know I’m Not 22 Anymore

1- It’s Saturday night and I’m within 200 feet of a computer.

2- I refer to men I like/date by their actual name…ya know, instead of “quicksilver store guy,” “the scotsman,” or most embarrassingly, “ace with the tattoos.”

3- At this very moment, I have no inexplicable body injuries–no weird waffle shaped bruises, no twisted ankles…and no skinned knees, mom!

4- I spend more money on food than drinks. When did this start happening?!

5- I wake up before noon on weekends…EVEN WHEN I DON’T HAVE TO!!! Can’t say I ever saw this one coming, folks.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,