Top 5 Things I Just Can’t Give Up

1- My side of the bed….don’t even try, boo.

2- Funfetti icing…it just tastes so good!

3- Mani/Pedis…skipping lunch is so totally worth it.

4- Rihanna…I’m so upset about her life decisions—but love her so much!

5- My tween crush on Joshua Jackson…it will happen!!

Top 5 Reasons I Watch Bravo

1- It’s my one chance to feel like the snarky, sassy, and mouthy gay male I know I was supposed to be in real life.

2- I keep waiting for Rachel Zoe to dump her husband…okay, okay I know that’s mean. Maybe if he would just lose those cheeseball necklaces?

3- I love catching inside dirt on LeAnn Rimes from Brandi Glanville.

4- The clothes…I just can’t handle it.

5- Life isn’t all diamonds and rosé…but it should be!

Top 5 Things From Which You Just Can’t Recover

1- Forgetting to wash the conditioner out of your hair. If you’re on a time crunch, put it in a bun and swear up and down you’re rocking the “Black Swan” look.

2- Talking smack about someone standing directly behind you. Check yourself before you wreck yourself!

3- Being a Chris Brown fan. If his physical assaultS aren’t bad enough, his Halloween costumes/tattoos/tweets/etc prove he is a horrible human being who does not deserve your money and/or support.

4- Getting embarrassingly intoxicated at a work function. Two drink max, people!

5- Being labeled a “Homewrecker.” Ask Angelina Jolie, it’s been eight years and people still hate her…and she’s a Goodwill Ambassador!! Be nice and wait your turn.

Top 5 Reasons To Love Mondays

1- It means you survived the weekend.

2- Hearing about your odd coworker’s wild Saturday excursion to the (insert random object) collector’s exhibition always offers a smidge of mild entertainment.

3- You have the opportunity to set yourself apart and NOT be a total grump at the water cooler.

4- Parents get to send their kids back to school.

5- Once started, it will soon be over…and you won’t have to do it again for another week!

Top 5 “Celebrities” I Wish I Could Wish Away

1- Anyone who is currently on, has plans to be, or has participated in any Bachelor/Bachelorette season. WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE TAKING UP MY US WEEKLY COVER SPACE?!

2- With the exception of Beyonce and Mrs. Beckham, any former girl band member. Nowadays, seeing these ladies is like watching Regina George’s mom in Mean Girls.

3- Chris. Freaking. Brown.—I just can’t. There are no words.

4- Amanda Seyfried. I get SO annoyed when I see she’s in a movie I want to see…and it keeps happening. She’s an alien you guys, I swear it.

5- Any “starlet” from Teen Mom 2. However, I must ashamedly admit I still hold love for the original cast (what up Maci?!).