Tag Archives: fun

Top 5 Signs You Need To Get Out Of Town

1- You are up-to-date on all of the recent Netflix releases…and consider it quite the accomplishment.

2- You are still hanging out with your ex-boyfriend…and you can’t figure out if it’s because of boredom or genuine affection.

3- You consider housesitting a real adventure.

4- You can’t remember the last time you saw your college peeps…or reminisced about the time that one of you spray painted the house with her cat’s name.

5- You have worn out your welcome at the local Starbucks, Panera, and Au Bon Pain…and have started calling these places your “office.”

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Top 5 Things I’ve Learned in the Security Line

1- Gladiator sandals are not your friend. Always choose ballet flats or boots when traveling!

2- Children are the enemy. When given the option, always go for the childless line.

3- The **@#&!^ng laptop has to be run through separately. People ignoring this rule can double your wait time…so if you spot someone making this rookie mistake, always say something.

4- The ubiquitous pat down is part of life. Just hold your head high and own it.

5- Always make sure you grabbed your hat and identification! Learned this the hard way.

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Top 5 Times I Don’t Play

1- If you cut me in line. Guess what? I didn’t stand here for 30 min to save your place…now git.

2- When threatened. Go ‘head with your bad self. I don’t like to fight…but I’m not afraid to bleed.

3- When my song/show is playing. Silence, I tell you! Silence!

4- On a road trip. You get one stop per every four hours…use it wisely.

5- When my food arrives. Don’t even think about touching it unless you have something desirable to offer in return (but in that case…taste away!).

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Top 5 Things You’re Never Too Old To Do

1- Run through the sprinkler. It really doesn’t get better than this…so throw caution (and your silk shirt) to the wind and partake in this time-honored summertime tradition. Extra points if you can toss a trampoline into the mix.

2- Order a kids meal. Whatever, the portions are better and they come in cute little boxes. Just make sure you don’t trash the toy…pay it forward by giving it to a kid on the street or donating to a local hospital/shelter.

3- Fight with your little brother. How long has he known you? Does he really think he’s going to get away with stealing your slice? Time to bust out the ‘ol Hogan moves.

4- Watch Boy Meets World. This show will never, and I repeat NEVER, get old. Here’s hoping the remake [and Topanga’s hair] can stand up to the legend.

5- Call your grandma when you’re sick. Not sure what it is, but my granny always seems to know the appropriate ratio of concern, humor, advice, and cornbread my illnesses deserve.

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Top 5 Things I Know To Be True

1- Traveling to another country will change your life. Whether you learn how to speak a second language, visit ancient ruins, or discover a banging recipe for sangria…you will come home a better person. Now go forth and prosper!

2- You will never regret looking nice. Ne-v-er. So shine those shoes, go to the cleaners, and put your best foot forward—You’re decorating the world, after all!

3- You’re only as good as your last conversation. Treat people with respect and appreciate every exchange…one day, these words may be be your last!

4- Friendships require upkeep, so invest in those you want to keep around…and don’t forget the bubbly.

5- Love is weird…and rarely unconditional. So appreciate what you’ve got and work hard to keep it, ya hear?

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Top 5 Things Every Girl Should Keep In Her Car

1- Tweezers- You will never, and I mean ever, find better lighting for plucking your brows!

2- Floss/Toothbrush- Because, well, being “safe” can take on so many connotations…

3- Sassy Black Heels/Comfy Flats- You never know when life will throw you an impromptu night out…or a pair of painful new pumps. Be prepared!

4- A wall AND car charger for your phone- Sadly, in our new world, there is nothing more terrifying and unsettling than being disconnected from your 4G/5G/987G. Don’t get caught in the dead zone.

5- Real, live cash money- What?! That still exists you say? Alas my friend, it does. And as someone who has personally had to dig around in my floorboard (whilst holding up traffic) to pay a $1.50 toll, I can say that it is a glorious thing to have at your disposal.

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Top 5 Things You Should Stop Doing

1- Placidly standing on the left side of the escalator. That is for the right side. The left side is for people with places to go!! If you get pushed down or punched one day, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

2- Commenting back (individually) to everyone that compliments your new profile pic. While you may think you’re only being polite, it looks a little self-involved and desperate. A simple “Thanks Guys!” should suffice.

3- Running at the gym. Go outside! It’s a tougher workout and you get that VD!

(Vitamin D…what were you thinking?!)

4- Showering with your bf’s soap/shampoo/conditioner all-in-one. It smells awful and is everything/nothing at the same time.

5- Misspelling third grade words. The world notices and hates you for it. 

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Top 5 Reasons I Can’t Wait To Get Older

1- Gardening. I dream of the day when, like my oh-so-lovely grandmother, I know every name of every flower ever grown in every terrain…I mean, how do old people do that?!

2- Saving money on cosmetics—Sephora, plan accordingly. There is a slight chance your stocks will plummet. 

3- Comfortable footwear—Every. Single. Day.

4- Feeling guilt-free when I take the elevator. It will be so nice to not feel so humiliated when caught in this shameful act! Third floor anyone? Let’s ride.

5- Going on girls’ trips to exotic locales—and proving to the world that it just gets better with age. You can get a senior discount on daiquiris, right?

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Top 5 Reasons I Don’t Cook

1- I can buy my own charcoal.

2- Grocery shopping is the.most.boring.thing.ever…they shouldn’t even be allowed to call it “shopping.”

3- It’s like sewing {and a few other things}. If people find out you’re good at it, they’ll never leave you alone.

4- I’m terrified of salmonella.

5- I don’t like to be told what to do. That means you Rachel Ray, Martha Stewart, and Paula Deen!!!

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Top 5 Photos You Should Be Embarrassed About

1- Almost any selfie. While they are oh-so-tempting to take, your reputation is begging you to refrain. You get a free pass for approx three a year. Use them wisely.

2- That one of you peeing outside after a night of college debauchery. Oh it doesn’t exist? I call BS.

3- Any maternity photo with a half-buttoned shirt, awkwardly large bow around the midsection (?) and strategically placed gendered baby shoes. I just don’t get it.

4- Any photo of you simultaneously in a wedding gown and holding a beer. I mean it’s supposed to be one of the most sacred days of your life…at least pour it in a glass for Christ’s sake (literally…ha).

5- Anything, and I mean anything, taken on your 21st birthday. Evidence of this day should be either 1) burned or 2) locked away in Harry Potter’s Chamber of Secrets.

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