Tag Archives: dumb

Top 5 Signs You Need To Get Out Of Town

1- You are up-to-date on all of the recent Netflix releases…and consider it quite the accomplishment.

2- You are still hanging out with your ex-boyfriend…and you can’t figure out if it’s because of boredom or genuine affection.

3- You consider housesitting a real adventure.

4- You can’t remember the last time you saw your college peeps…or reminisced about the time that one of you spray painted the house with her cat’s name.

5- You have worn out your welcome at the local Starbucks, Panera, and Au Bon Pain…and have started calling these places your “office.”

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Top 5 Reasons Today Sucked

1- I wrecked a very expensive car. That’s not even mine. FML.

2- I left a gorgeous mansion on the beach to return to the rainy Northeast.

3- I flew into an airport with no real clue as to how I would get home.

4- I have a skinned knee that looks stupid with all of my outfits.

5- It’s summer and my skin is still nearly translucent.

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Top 5 Things I Complain About

1- The constant need for my electronics to be charged. Needy much?!?!

2- The remarkable ability for the ONE item I need to somehow disappear in my closet. WHERE IS THAT BLACK TANK?

3- The lack of air conditioners in New York City. This southern girl likes to live life at a cool 70 degrees (when inside, of course).

4- Bad manicures. If I wanted it to look like a 5-year-old painted my nails, I would do it myself.

5- The opinionated uninformed. Just STFU already, mmk?

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Top 5 Things I Don’t Give a Sh*% About

1- How many stick-figure kids you have, miles you’ve ran, or political quips you love, as displayed on the back window of your car. No one cares. And don’t even get me started on the “memorial” trend.

2- Photos of your food on Facebook. There is nothing (nothing!) I scroll through faster than photos of meals. Granted, I have been guilty of this a time or two myself, but it was for truly momentous occasions. Like the first (and only) gourmet meal I ever cooked…and a dessert named after nuns in France. Otherwise, eat it don’t tweet it.

3- Potty-training updates. Laugh as you will, but you would be surprised at how often I see DETAILED descriptions of this crap (pun intended) on my newsfeed. It’s gross and again…no one cares.

4- Dilation. As in of the vagina. People actually post this stuff!! Either they are unaware that when they say someone is “x inches dilated” they are referring to that person’s cervix stretching out to push through a human baby…or they just don’t care. Either way, I am never forcing that mental picture on anyone–although maybe I’ll start posting about Kegels to retaliate.

5- Any trite, cliché, uninspired, narrow-minded or just plain dumb “share” on Facebook. Generally passed along by older family members or friends of your parents, these photos/comics are responsible for 99% of my “unfollows.”

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