Tag Archives: driving

Top 5 Things You Don’t Want To See On A Saturday Afternoon

1) Stacked heels. While I love my Louboutins more than anyone, this just comes off a little garish. Save it for the evening, girlfriend. 

2) A line at your favorite bagel place. Ughhhhh, don’t they know that you’ve been looking forward to this egg and cheese treat all week?!

3) An email from work. I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over my complete indifference. ***

4) Inclement weather. Dear powers-that-be, save that mess for lazy Sundays.

5) The inside of a car for more than 45 minutes. However, if forced, this situation can be slightly improved with an icy beverage and Dolly Parton tunes.

***but I promise to care on Monday.

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Top 5 Things You Should Just Forget About

1- Getting a decent parking spot on any college campus. In related news, don’t even try to park illegally…fifty bucks says there is a parking services agent hiding in the bushes. 

2- Wearing your hair down in this heat. Don’t lie girl, you know that ‘do is gonna be in a topknot before you even make it to the subway.

3- Waking up early to work out on the weekend. I’ve told myself this was going to happen, oh, a few THOUSAND times in my life…and I’ve never done it once.

4- Acting funny, witty, smooth, or refined when needed. Sorry player, this is going to be the EXACT moment you knock over your glass and/or get a piece of basil stuck in your teeth.

5- Choosing the “right” line in security. It’s always a gamble…and I inevitably get stuck behind the newb who forgets to take out his laptop…way to hold up the entire.freaking.line. dude…

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Top 5 Signs You Should Chill The F Out

1- You choose cubed ice rather than crushed because it takes less time…even though you prefer crushed.

2- You have given up and replaced milk with coffee when having your morning cereal…because it just seems more efficient.

3- You put your emergency blinkers on and drive like a convict when traffic pisses you off…and have been known to pull this move en route to the grocery store.

4- You get violently angry when people attempt to read to you aloud. 

5- You feel the need to label where the forks, knives, and spoons go in the kitchen drawer…because, ya know, we couldn’t figure that one out ourselves.

 

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Top 5 Side Effects Of Driving 15+ Hours

1- You are either doing the “I’m just gonna rest one eye” trick or you’re so jacked up on caffeine that you won’t sleep for weeks (when given the opportunity, choose the latter).

2- Your knuckles are crazy sore from clutching the wheel during multiple torrential downpours…rain, rain, for the love of god, PLEASE go away!

3- You are now a lyrical expert on the entire Top 40 list…because the same songs play over and over and over again. Thanks for that, RiRi.

4- If driving alone, you are mind-numbingly bored and lonely. If driving with others, you never want to see another human being for the rest of your life.

5- Your bathroom standards have lowered exponentially.

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Top 5 Moments I Want To Relive

1- Getting my driver’s license. Oh the freedom! Oh the glory! Oh the possibilities! Almost too much for a well-intentioned 15-year-old to handle (yes I said 15…can you tell I’m from the South?!).

2- Traveling abroad alone for the first time. True, I was crying and terrified when I actually walked away from my family/thenboyfriend…but my how that moment changed me!

3- 8th Grade Awards Day. Boy, did I clean UP that spring afternoon. I had more awards/medals than General Petraeus…and without the awkward cheating scandal to boot!

4- My first cocktail party. It was love at first sight.

5- Watching my grandpa get his first dealership bought, no miles, brand spanking new pick-up. As much as the old codger wouldn’t admit it, the joy was written all over his face.

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Top 5 Things You Learn In Traffic

1- That there is a fine line between being an opportunist and having a death wish.

2- That motorists in [any other state than your own] just DON’T know how to drive.

3- That the right music can prevent a total mind meltdown. Thanks, MJ.

4- That children and traffic jams do not mix. WHERE IS THAT DAMN SIPPY CUP?!

5- That “shooting a bird” isn’t just for mischievous 8-year-old boys on the playground. Grownups can play that game too, son!

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Top 5 Things That Blow My Mind

1- Compasses. Both because they have the capability to navigate ships across the seven seas and because there are people who actually know how to use them.

2- Fax machines. So retro, yet still mystifying.

3- Jon Hamm. Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty good man… SALT N PEPA to the max.

4- Grown-ass adults who can’t parallel park. It’s a life skill, learn it.

5- People who work in bakeries and don’t weigh 500 lbs. I would never last.

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Top 5 Reasons I Will Never Forget My Roots

1- I can’t pass an F150 without getting nostalgic about my sweet grandpa and learning how to drive…at age 12.

2- As much as I love sushi and fondue, it will never compare to down home BBQ.

3- I know every word to every Travis Tritt song ever written…and still kind of have a crush on him. Judge away.

4- On my most recent trip home, one of my relatives began a sentence with “last time I was locked up.”

5- I don’t know how to cook…but I can fry anything.

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Top 5 Things That Make Me Feel 18 Again

1- Pita Pit. As one of the few establishments that stayed open late night if my college town, I have fond memories of many a scene made/pita devoured in this little spot.

2- 50 Cent. Just one, “lil mama show you how you move it” and I’m time-warped to VIP entrances, clubs, and lycra halter tops.

3- Ribbon belts, flip flops, and watches. What? You don’t consider that the epitome of style? What’s wrong with you?!

4- Pointless driving. I feel like a solid portion of my late teenage years was spent wasting gasoline with friends for no apparent reason…or for fairly pointless reasons (i.e. stalking crushes who didn’t even know we existed).

5- Dirty, trashed, and fratastic (multi) million-dollar homes from the 1800s. #charlestonproblems

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