Tag Archives: drinks

Top 5 Ideas That I Don’t Buy

1- The “we’re on a break” cop out. There’s a reason why “a break” sounds a lot like “breaking up”…because they’re the same damn thing.

2- The “he/she has commitment issues” excuse. In most cases, the person just doesn’t like you enough to give up their independence. Brutal, but true.

3- The “purchase two get one free” scam. Unless it’s a necessity (toothpaste, paper towels, soap), chances are you don’t need/wouldn’t buy that extra item ordinarily…so you’re still spending more than you planned. Jedi mind trick for the win.

4- Energy drinks. First of all, they’re disgusting. Second of all, I’ve never felt any energy boosts afterwards. Placebo effect, anyone?

5- The “citizenship” award. Great, thanks. Now where are the real accolades??

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Top 5 Moments I Want To Relive

1- Getting my driver’s license. Oh the freedom! Oh the glory! Oh the possibilities! Almost too much for a well-intentioned 15-year-old to handle (yes I said 15…can you tell I’m from the South?!).

2- Traveling abroad alone for the first time. True, I was crying and terrified when I actually walked away from my family/thenboyfriend…but my how that moment changed me!

3- 8th Grade Awards Day. Boy, did I clean UP that spring afternoon. I had more awards/medals than General Petraeus…and without the awkward cheating scandal to boot!

4- My first cocktail party. It was love at first sight.

5- Watching my grandpa get his first dealership bought, no miles, brand spanking new pick-up. As much as the old codger wouldn’t admit it, the joy was written all over his face.

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Top 5 Ways I Know I’m Not 22 Anymore

1- It’s Saturday night and I’m within 200 feet of a computer.

2- I refer to men I like/date by their actual name…ya know, instead of “quicksilver store guy,” “the scotsman,” or most embarrassingly, “ace with the tattoos.”

3- At this very moment, I have no inexplicable body injuries–no weird waffle shaped bruises, no twisted ankles…and no skinned knees, mom!

4- I spend more money on food than drinks. When did this start happening?!

5- I wake up before noon on weekends…EVEN WHEN I DON’T HAVE TO!!! Can’t say I ever saw this one coming, folks.

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