Tag Archives: drinking

Top 5 Reasons I Might Jump You In An Elevator

1- You say something about Dolly. She is a goddess and I will not hear otherwise.

2- You spill a cocktail on my new Ferragamos. If you can’t handle your alcohol, keep it away from my couture.

3- You do something to hurt my little brother. In this scenario, you gonna need that bodyguard…and about 12 of his beefy friends.

4- You go off on some right wing rant that muddles religion, ethics, and politics into one indistinguishable puddle of idiocy. Or you like Glenn Beck. Same thing, really.

5- You go after my boo. Another reason I think Bey is a robot who just does what she’s told…RiRi would have had to regulate. ***

***See about page for more details.

 

 

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Top 5 Reasons I Love Country Music

1- It reminds me of going to little bluegrass shacks as a child and listening to my mama sing.

2- Not sure why, but I love a good sad song…and no one sings ’em better than Patsy.

3- You haven’t lived until you’ve heard a crowd of drunks really get into “You don’t have to call me darlin.” Or perhaps been one of them…

4- Dolly Parton is my hero…always has been, always will be. 

5- I still have a crush on 1990s Travis Tritt. Drift off to dream indeed…

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Top 5 Rules of Nature

1- No matter how powerful/successful you are, you are nothing compared to the entity that brings about hurricanes, tornados, tsunamis, etc…so don’t get too big for your britches.

2- Darwinism is alive and real…so going swimming after that fifth beer is not the greatest idea.

3- If you don’t know what it is, don’t touch it.

4- When drawing attention to yourself for mating purposes, make sure you’re not also attracting dangerous predators.

5- Be capable of fighting and/or flighting…otherwise your lifespan doesn’t look that promising.

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Top 5 Moments I’m A Cliché

1- When I see a grown man gently playing with a baby/toddler. Heart melted.

2- When I’m in NYC and the train is late. *@#^!@*!@*#&*@!@&(*!@#!@#!!!!

3- When I’m back home and drink my weight in sweet tea. Thanks, Granny!

4- When I have a few cocktails and decide to text message an ex-lovah. Boredom and booze do not mix, ya’ll!

5- When I have nothing to wear…in a closet that could have individual rooms for shoes, accessories, tops, dresses, costume apparel, you name it. Yet still, absolutely nothing to wear.

 

 

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Top 5 Things That Are Best In Moderation

1- E! News. It’s always good to be plugged into pop culture…but when you can recite the dating history of the entire Pretty Little Liars cast, you might have a problem.

2- Working out. The more intense a person gets about fitness, the less fun they are to be around. No one wants a friend who spends their life in spandex and cut-off tanks.

3- Drinking. Trust me, your sloppy rendition of Nelly’s “Ride Wit Me” isn’t quite as cute as you think [even though it’s a GREAT song].

4- Tweeting. Never clog up someone’s feed, it’s annoying and unbecoming.

5- Krispy Kreme. Never buy more than two at a time…and GOD FORBID do not buy a dozen if you live alone. Even Gandhi couldn’t exercise that kind of self-control.

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Top 5 Reasons Why 27 Is A Weird Age

1- Some of your friends are married with two kids and a mortgage…while others sleep on people’s couches and live off a diet of ramen and Jim Beam.

2- It seems like your peeps are either || to getting hitched or lightyears away from settling down. There is no in-between.

3- It’s when you really start to notice the whole aging thing. You say no to going out on weekdays because you really don’t have the desire…not solely because you’re trying to make a responsible decision.

4- You spend money on kitchen supplies. And know how to use them.

5- Your vacation requirements aren’t limited to hotties with bodies, free booze, and endless tanning options.

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Top 5 Reasons I’m Happy I’m Not 18 Again

1- No matter what happens, I will die knowing I didn’t screw up my education. Seriously, from birth this was my greatest fear!

2- I could not care less if anyone on the planet likes my outfit. I love different and interesting clothes…and am more than happy to let my freak flag fly!

3- I no longer have the “if it’s free I should eat it/drink it” mentality. Less is definitely more, people.

4- I have no fear of subways, bus schedules, european trains, and airports. At 18, navigating these hubs was nothing short of terrifying!

5- I can go into any bar, in any country, and order a glass of wine. My 18 year-old-self would be so jealous.

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