Tag Archives: Dolly Parton

Top 5 Reasons I Might Jump You In An Elevator

1- You say something about Dolly. She is a goddess and I will not hear otherwise.

2- You spill a cocktail on my new Ferragamos. If you can’t handle your alcohol, keep it away from my couture.

3- You do something to hurt my little brother. In this scenario, you gonna need that bodyguard…and about 12 of his beefy friends.

4- You go off on some right wing rant that muddles religion, ethics, and politics into one indistinguishable puddle of idiocy. Or you like Glenn Beck. Same thing, really.

5- You go after my boo. Another reason I think Bey is a robot who just does what she’s told…RiRi would have had to regulate. ***

***See about page for more details.

 

 

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Top 5 Indicators That We Might Get Along

1- You use your jacket to cover your bag when it rains…and stare in horror at people who use theirs for overhead coverage.

2- You know the difference between Jonathan Jackson and Joshua Jackson.

3- You understand the gist of public transportation and can read a subway map.

4- You like Dolly Parton.

5- You think PDA is the most abominable thing before 11:00 pm…and the most admissible afterwards.

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Top 5 Things You Don’t Want To See On A Saturday Afternoon

1) Stacked heels. While I love my Louboutins more than anyone, this just comes off a little garish. Save it for the evening, girlfriend. 

2) A line at your favorite bagel place. Ughhhhh, don’t they know that you’ve been looking forward to this egg and cheese treat all week?!

3) An email from work. I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over my complete indifference. ***

4) Inclement weather. Dear powers-that-be, save that mess for lazy Sundays.

5) The inside of a car for more than 45 minutes. However, if forced, this situation can be slightly improved with an icy beverage and Dolly Parton tunes.

***but I promise to care on Monday.

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Top 5 Reasons I Love Country Music

1- It reminds me of going to little bluegrass shacks as a child and listening to my mama sing.

2- Not sure why, but I love a good sad song…and no one sings ’em better than Patsy.

3- You haven’t lived until you’ve heard a crowd of drunks really get into “You don’t have to call me darlin.” Or perhaps been one of them…

4- Dolly Parton is my hero…always has been, always will be. 

5- I still have a crush on 1990s Travis Tritt. Drift off to dream indeed…

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Top 5 People I Want To Be When I Grow Up

1- Lisa Vanderpump…she’s got the style, she’s got the accent…and have you seen her bod?! Fifty-plus never looked so good, darling.

2- Salma Hayek…beautiful actress, owns a cosmetic line…and just happens to be married to a French multi-billionaire who controls Alexander McQueen, Gucci, Stella McCartney, Yves Saint Laurent and Bottega Veneta. Are you freaking kidding me?

3- Anna Wintour…God Save the Queen!!

4- Jenna Dewan-Tatum.  This one is self-explanitory.

5- Dolly Parton…my celebrity icon since 1988!  ***Yes, that’s when I was two. There are videos to prove it.

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