Tag Archives: cooking

Top 5 Signs You’ve Really Got It Together

1- You know the exact date of your automatic drafts…and plan accordingly.

2- You can’t remember the last time you sent an inappropriate or unsolicited text.

3- Clean sheets. Every Single Week.

4- You send out birthday cards (on time). 

5-  You manage to go to the gym AND make a home cooked meal ALL IN ONE DAY. BOOM.

 

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Top 5 Signs You Are Not Destined To Be Domestic

1- Your friends refuse to cook at your house because, without fail, you never have the basics to make a meal (flour, eggs, olive oil, etc).

2- The thought of making your own cleaning supplies makes you want to jump in front of a train.

3- You use your pantry as an extra shoe closet.

4- Your version of DIY is called Etsy. Delegation at its finest, folks.

5- You think that spending $600 on a pair of shoes makes total sense…but $300 on a mixer? What is it made out of…gold?!

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Top 5 Reasons I Date Foreigners

1- When they say something you don’t like, it’s easy to chalk it up to translation issues.

2- The likelihood of traveling somewhere exotic is increased tenfold.

3- I am determined for my children to have dual passports.

4- They oftentimes know how to cook interesting and unusual food…excluding the Brits, naturally.

5- Who doesn’t want to be told they’re beautiful in multiple languages?!

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Top 5 Reasons You Should Go To The Beach

1- The frizzier the hair, the more fun you’re having.

2- You get to show off your masterful self-tanning skills…which is no small feat. 

3- Heels are frowned upon, so now’s the chance to give your worn out arches a break.

4- It’s the perfect excuse to eat shrimp every.single.night. Shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan-fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup…

5- It’s good for your soul, fool! Now hit the road.

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Top 5 Things That Blow My Mind

1- Compasses. Both because they have the capability to navigate ships across the seven seas and because there are people who actually know how to use them.

2- Fax machines. So retro, yet still mystifying.

3- Jon Hamm. Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty good man… SALT N PEPA to the max.

4- Grown-ass adults who can’t parallel park. It’s a life skill, learn it.

5- People who work in bakeries and don’t weigh 500 lbs. I would never last.

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Top 5 Ways I Say I Love You

1- I watch any sporting event for more than 15 minutes…and don’t complain about it.

2- I pick you up at the airport…and brave the godawful Newark, NJ traffic.

3- I cheerfully tolerate your dog licking/jumping on me….and don’t show that I’m dying inside.

4- I go camping/rock climbing/mountain biking…even though I would rather be watching a play in a pleasantly climate-controlled room. 

5- I attempt to cook ANYTHING…even though following recipes makes me angry. I hate being told what to do.

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Top 5 Things The South Has Taught Me

1- The terms “honey, darling, sugar, and sweetie” do not necessarily convey positive sentiments. When delivered just right, they can be the most hateful words you’ve ever heard.

2- Shoes are wildly overrated. Only necessary when going to town or to church.

3- If she can’t make good sweet tea, she ain’t fit to wed. 

4- If it grows in the garden, it’s good enough to fry.

5- Relatives are great for borrowing pick-ups, helping you move, and giving you ridiculous nicknames. Just ask Teeny, Doodle, Shug, or Bugs [all members of my sweet family].

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Top 5 Things That Are Best In Moderation

1- E! News. It’s always good to be plugged into pop culture…but when you can recite the dating history of the entire Pretty Little Liars cast, you might have a problem.

2- Working out. The more intense a person gets about fitness, the less fun they are to be around. No one wants a friend who spends their life in spandex and cut-off tanks.

3- Drinking. Trust me, your sloppy rendition of Nelly’s “Ride Wit Me” isn’t quite as cute as you think [even though it’s a GREAT song].

4- Tweeting. Never clog up someone’s feed, it’s annoying and unbecoming.

5- Krispy Kreme. Never buy more than two at a time…and GOD FORBID do not buy a dozen if you live alone. Even Gandhi couldn’t exercise that kind of self-control.

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Top 5 Reasons Why 27 Is A Weird Age

1- Some of your friends are married with two kids and a mortgage…while others sleep on people’s couches and live off a diet of ramen and Jim Beam.

2- It seems like your peeps are either || to getting hitched or lightyears away from settling down. There is no in-between.

3- It’s when you really start to notice the whole aging thing. You say no to going out on weekdays because you really don’t have the desire…not solely because you’re trying to make a responsible decision.

4- You spend money on kitchen supplies. And know how to use them.

5- Your vacation requirements aren’t limited to hotties with bodies, free booze, and endless tanning options.

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Top 5 Reasons I Will Never Forget My Roots

1- I can’t pass an F150 without getting nostalgic about my sweet grandpa and learning how to drive…at age 12.

2- As much as I love sushi and fondue, it will never compare to down home BBQ.

3- I know every word to every Travis Tritt song ever written…and still kind of have a crush on him. Judge away.

4- On my most recent trip home, one of my relatives began a sentence with “last time I was locked up.”

5- I don’t know how to cook…but I can fry anything.

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