Tag Archives: coffee

Top 5 Things You Don’t Want To See On A Saturday Afternoon

1) Stacked heels. While I love my Louboutins more than anyone, this just comes off a little garish. Save it for the evening, girlfriend. 

2) A line at your favorite bagel place. Ughhhhh, don’t they know that you’ve been looking forward to this egg and cheese treat all week?!

3) An email from work. I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over my complete indifference. ***

4) Inclement weather. Dear powers-that-be, save that mess for lazy Sundays.

5) The inside of a car for more than 45 minutes. However, if forced, this situation can be slightly improved with an icy beverage and Dolly Parton tunes.

***but I promise to care on Monday.

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Top 5 Signs You Should Chill The F Out

1- You choose cubed ice rather than crushed because it takes less time…even though you prefer crushed.

2- You have given up and replaced milk with coffee when having your morning cereal…because it just seems more efficient.

3- You put your emergency blinkers on and drive like a convict when traffic pisses you off…and have been known to pull this move en route to the grocery store.

4- You get violently angry when people attempt to read to you aloud. 

5- You feel the need to label where the forks, knives, and spoons go in the kitchen drawer…because, ya know, we couldn’t figure that one out ourselves.

 

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Top 5 Things A Good New Yorker Will Never Do

1- Take too long in the bagel line. Not only will this get you cursed out before 8 am, it will also ruin your rep at the local coffee shop. Which, we all know, takes years to curate and seconds to dismantle.

2- Placidly take up multiple seats while hoards of people file into the subway car. Do this and you deserve to get jumped [quite possibly by me].

3- Walk in midtown with eyes gleefully aimed towards the sky. Yes, the buildings are big. Yes, it looks *just like* the movies. In other news, people actually have to get work…so speed it up, yo.

4- Fangirl/boy out at the sight of a celeb. Don’t get me wrong, we totally want to…but we have the dedication and wherewithal to save this nonsense for when we are alone/tweeting to all of our friends back home.

5- Act rude or haughty to a taxi driver. We all know they hold the real power.

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Top 5 Things That Stress Me Out

1- Identity Theft Commercials: One moment you’re happily enthralled in Rachel Zoe…then Bam! PanicMode.

2- Obtaining the perfect milk/cereal ratio: 26 years on this planet and it hasn’t happened yet.

3- Remembering to say “No Whip: I have a huge problem wasting calories on things I don’t even like to eat. Yuck.

4- Tardiness:  Cannot. Handle. It.

5- Health Insurance/Car Insurance/Home Insurance:  This guy understands.Image

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