Tag Archives: clothes

Top 5 Things I’ve Inherited From My Mother

1- Little to no self-control when presented with beautiful things….and the ability to pinpoint the tiniest differences between what I want and already own. So what if I already have 3 pointy-toed black pumps? These have a TEXTURED heel!!

2- A quick wit and sharp sense of humor that keeps the bullies at bay. Word to the wise, don’t start something you can’t finish.***

3- I’m a mean, mean, mean hungry person.

4- Silliness and a playful ease around children. You’re Big Bird and I’m Oscar the Grouch? Cool, just give me a sec to hop into the garbage can.

5- Ridiculously good looks. Kidding. Well, maybe. All I know is a stranger once called me out as her daughter, so there’s definitely a resemblance.

***A gift passed down from my ace of a grandpa.

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Top 5 Things That Secretly Annoy Me…Until Now

1- Complaints about the amount of advertising in fashion magazines. Um hello, that’s the best part!! It’s the quickest/easiest way to pinpoint new aesthetics for the season and, quite honestly, is just really pretty!

2- When people proudly espouse opinions that are held by the general public. Yes, if you go in Wal-Mart you will most likely encounter interesting sides of humanity…and the root ingredients used by Taco Bell are probably found in tire rubber and petrol. Tell me something I don’t know. 

3- Recipes. Just another form of being told what to do.

4- Group texts. As most of you probably know, I’m not a phone person…and every time that dadblamed notification goes off it stresses me out. Plus, there’s always that one person who doesn’t know when to let it go.

5- Men who always let their wives dress them, no questions asked. First of all, get some opinions and a backbone. Secondly, leave the mothering to your mother.

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Top 5 Slippery Slopes of Life

1- Dating your ex. True, this one is kind of obvious…but all too commonplace, nonetheless!! There was a reason it didn’t work. Recycle your paper goods not your bad decisions.

2. Buying yoga pants. Chances are, these will very rarely see a half lotus…and their flexible waistbands will ironically lessen the need for physical fitness. Real pants miss you.

3. French fries. Next step: salt, ketchup, ranch, cheese, bacon bits…just pick your poison.

4. Credit cards. They exist for a reason and it’s most certainly not to make your life easier.

5. Social media. A quick check here and there=great. Instagramming each meal=annoying. See life through your real eyes…not through the feedback of others, yo.

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Top 5 Things You Don’t Want To See On A Saturday Afternoon

1) Stacked heels. While I love my Louboutins more than anyone, this just comes off a little garish. Save it for the evening, girlfriend. 

2) A line at your favorite bagel place. Ughhhhh, don’t they know that you’ve been looking forward to this egg and cheese treat all week?!

3) An email from work. I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over my complete indifference. ***

4) Inclement weather. Dear powers-that-be, save that mess for lazy Sundays.

5) The inside of a car for more than 45 minutes. However, if forced, this situation can be slightly improved with an icy beverage and Dolly Parton tunes.

***but I promise to care on Monday.

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Top 5 Signs You’ve Started A New Job

1- You iron/steam your clothes every day.

2- You arrive at least ten minutes early in the morning.

3- You scoff at all of those job search emails you keep receiving.

4- You have never been more excited about scheduling a dental appointment.

5- You have no clue what is going on around you.

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Top 5 Signs You’re Job Searching

1- You have an exceptionally clean Facebook profile.

2- The word Taleo brings chills to your spine.

3- You have two outfits: interview professional and slob.

4- You have a complex about your résumé…is it enough? is it too much? what do they want?!

5- You actually answer random phone calls.

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Top 5 Styles I No Longer Sport

1- Flip flops. Unless I’m at the beach, it’s highly unlikely you will catch me with these on my feet. My grandmother once told me they were “sloppy and noisy” and only excusable on teenagers…years later, I have to say I agree.

2- Butterfly sleeves. They look stunning on the hanger…and atrocious on the bod. Trust me. 

3- Denim jackers. I know they’re back and I know they’re all over the runway…but I would bet my life savings that a black or white blazer would make any outfit look better.

4- Tracksuits. This style is almost as 2003 as Paris Hilton.

5- Dresses with a banded bottom. That was a fun/brief moment in time wasn’t it? Too bad Jersey Shore had to come and ruin it for us all.

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Top 5 People I Don’t Understand

1- Gym rats that fit in an extra session at lunch. While I admire the dedication, what do you do with your hair? How do you have time to shower? Do you not feel gross the rest of the afternoon? How does this work??

2- Shoppers who must buy the outfit as displayed on the mannequin. Where’s the creativity? The personal touch? Aren’t you afraid you’ll run into someone dressed the exact same way as you? The horror!

3- Moviegoers who feel the need to talk during a film. It’s not okay and everyone hates you.

4- Parents who give in to tantrums and expect that to fix the problem. Congratulations, you just won 17 more years of brattiness. Was that extra toy really worth it?

5- Worrywarts who torture themselves with coulda, woulda, shoulda. It’s over. If you can’t change what happened, you might as well accept it and get on with your bad self. Next!

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Top 5 Looks New Yorkers Know How To Rock

1- The “I’m not going to a funeral, I’m just super cool” head-to-toe black ensemble.

2- The “I wear my shades everywhere on Sunday because I’m too lazy to put on concealer” babe.

3- The “I’m not from DC, I will wear 6 inch heels even though I’m dying inside” pump façade.

4- The “sooooo retro/indie/urban” look that actually cost thousands of dollars.

5- The “it’s snowing out and I look like a human marshmallow of death” black puffer style.

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Top 5 Rules of Shopping

1- If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit—No matter the style, the deal, the absolute beauty of the piece…it will not/should not be worn if the cut is unflattering.

2- Know your colors—For me, it’s reds, oranges, and yellows…but never (ever ever) blue! Don’t waste time trying on looks that you know won’t work!

3- Know your shape—You know what I love? Wrap dresses. You know what I never wear? Wrap dresses. Sorry Diane, but your creation is ungodly unflattering on me. I’ll appreciate from afar, thankyouverymuch.

4- Invest in what you need, not what you want—For so many years, I would spend way more money on a super glitzy pair of (uncomfortable) heels or a fabulous cocktail dress…only to wear  them once a year. Now, those funds are allocated to ballet flats, blazers, and nice jeans…and I couldn’t be happier with the decision!

5- Bargains take brains—The cheaper the outfit, the more brains required to make it look good. While anybody can rock a head-to-toe Chanel look, it takes real savviness to keep that clearance bin find chic. Pay attention to fabric, cut, and color and you’ll be fine!!

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