Tag Archives: city

Top 5 Ways I Keep It Real

1- Handwritten notes. While it may be prehistoric, my love of stationary requires that I keep up this tradition. Don’t worry though, I still send the obligatory “Happy Birthday” post online.

2- Cowboy boots. No, not the silly little $30 ones from TJ Maxx. Real, live boots…worn with real, live jeans. The kind that have clocked the same amount of hours in the fields as they have on city streets.

3- The ‘Zuk. I’ve had the same car since my senior year of high school. She’s small, has great gas mileage, and above all, doesn’t require any car payments. We’ve been together for 10 years now and I love her dearly.

4- Music. My tastes have not drastically changed since 1996. My typical Pandora rotation goes a little something like this: Tom Petty, Travis Tritt, Rod Stewart, Prince, Billy Joel, Garth Brooks.

5- Public Transit. Nothing more real than that.

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Top 5 Things I Want To Yell At People

1- MOVE!! Generally towards large crowds of tourists, children on scooters, and cell phone zombies.

2- STFU!! Not sure why, but I can’t stand to hear about the personal lives of strangers while they’re on the phone. Maybe because I can’t see who they’re talking to? Weird.

3- Make up your damn mind! It’s a lunch order…not the name of your first-born, for Christ’s sake.

4- You so fine!! This one often comes to mind when I see impromptu soccer games/joggers in Central Park.

5- You go girl!! If only it were acceptable to shout encouragement to random citizens for rocking their style, killing it at the gym, or exercising their artistic talents…

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Top 5 Things I Say Quite Regularly

1- No thank you—No I don’t want to attend your free comedy show/buy your tacky counterfeit of an already tacky bag/watch an impromptu one-man show, but yes I will keep my southern manners.

2- Do you take cards?—Believe it or not (as it is the 21st century), many establishments in the NYC area are cash only…and I never have cash. It’s an endless cycle.

3- I wanna go there!!—Even though I travel a good bit, I still have thousands (if not more!) of destinations on the wish list. #travelproblems

4- Where the F*&% is my MetroCard?—#nycproblems

5- My feet hurt—Yes, I realize this is a problem of my own making. No, I will not give up my heels. Someone pass me the Tylenol.

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Top 5 Things I Can’t Wait To Say

1- Which looks better with this outfit? The Louboutin or the Jimmy Choo?

2- So glad have to have you in New York, feel free to put your things in the guest bedroom.

3- How in the world did you manage to find a diamond that size?!

4- I just LOVE spin class! It really wakes me up in the morning!

5- …and that’s how I made my first million.

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Top 5 Ways To Spot A New Yorker

1- They haven’t operated a washer/drier in years…and have no qualms with a complete stranger handling their undergarments.

2- They experience road rage daily…and don’t even own a car.

3- They couldn’t tell you the last time they had fast food…but know everything on the bodega menu downstairs.

4- They can name all five boroughs…but have no inclination to visit more than two.

5- They walk fast and talk faster…and fully expect you to keep up.

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Top 5 Things I Just Can’t Accept

1- That my friends are actually starting to have children ON PURPOSE. When did this start happening?!?!

2- That in Manhattan it costs $23.00 for a mani/pedi and $8.00 for a box of cereal. Clearly, there is something wrong with this picture.

3- That white shoes are “in”—nope, nope, nope. I shall not agree to this nonsense.

4- That Gwyneth Paltrow is the “World’s Most Beautiful Woman”…sorry I’m not sorry, G-Pal. 

5- That all the good ones are taken. Surely there is a male version of myself out there…minus the clumsiness and inability to follow directions. ***must also carry luggage.

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Top 5 Moments I’m A Cliché

1- When I see a grown man gently playing with a baby/toddler. Heart melted.

2- When I’m in NYC and the train is late. *@#^!@*!@*#&*@!@&(*!@#!@#!!!!

3- When I’m back home and drink my weight in sweet tea. Thanks, Granny!

4- When I have a few cocktails and decide to text message an ex-lovah. Boredom and booze do not mix, ya’ll!

5- When I have nothing to wear…in a closet that could have individual rooms for shoes, accessories, tops, dresses, costume apparel, you name it. Yet still, absolutely nothing to wear.

 

 

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Top 5 Reasons May Is The Best Month Zeus Ever Created

1- April showers bring what you ask? MAY FLOWERS BIATCH!!! Everyone loves a good flower.

2- Memorial Weekend is the unofficial start of summer…and one of heaven’s greatest gifts: Summer Hours. For those of you who don’t live on the tiny universe of Manhattan, “Summer Hours” are NYC’s way of making up for crappy winter weather and the L train. We straight up get off of work early every.single.friday during this glorious season. Booyah.

3- It marks the birth of one of the nation’s greatest social commentators (me, obviously).

4- There are no puffer jackets in sight.

5- No matter what, you know that you have at least three solid months of good weather in your future (which means at least TWO months to get ready for bikini season…amirite?).

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Top 5 Things NYC Has Taught Me

1- Forget diamonds and rosé, the true sign of luxury is a washer/dryer, dishwasher, and a/c unit.

2- As soon as a taxi stops, open the door and get in the car. Once you’re in, they have to take you to your location…but oftentimes they’ll attempt to drive off if they don’t want to go that direction.

3- The world is controlled by fast-walkers…so get moving.

4- Never take a taxi during rush hour. There is nothing more irritating than pedestrians passing your cab while the meter steadily ticks away.

5- The world is a very small place. For example, last week I met someone from the same small town in SC (population 175) in my local coffee shop. In a city of 9 million. Cuhrazy.

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Top 5 Words That Aren’t Used Enough

1- Cacophony- Today, as I waited for a train in Union Square, I was assaulted by the nonstop cacophony in the station.

2- Lascivious- While it is no doubt lascivious in nature, I can’t help but adore Game of Thrones.

3- Loathsome- There is nothing more loathsome than the marriage of strong opinions and weak thoughts.

4- Unbecoming- Don’t talk with food in your mouth darling, it’s unbecoming.

5- Bemused- I was bemused by tonight’s exhibit…which may or may not indicate its worth.

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