Tag Archives: city life

Top 5 Reasons You Should Go To The Beach

1- The frizzier the hair, the more fun you’re having.

2- You get to show off your masterful self-tanning skills…which is no small feat. 

3- Heels are frowned upon, so now’s the chance to give your worn out arches a break.

4- It’s the perfect excuse to eat shrimp every.single.night. Shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan-fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup…

5- It’s good for your soul, fool! Now hit the road.

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Top 5 Things A Good New Yorker Will Never Do

1- Take too long in the bagel line. Not only will this get you cursed out before 8 am, it will also ruin your rep at the local coffee shop. Which, we all know, takes years to curate and seconds to dismantle.

2- Placidly take up multiple seats while hoards of people file into the subway car. Do this and you deserve to get jumped [quite possibly by me].

3- Walk in midtown with eyes gleefully aimed towards the sky. Yes, the buildings are big. Yes, it looks *just like* the movies. In other news, people actually have to get work…so speed it up, yo.

4- Fangirl/boy out at the sight of a celeb. Don’t get me wrong, we totally want to…but we have the dedication and wherewithal to save this nonsense for when we are alone/tweeting to all of our friends back home.

5- Act rude or haughty to a taxi driver. We all know they hold the real power.

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Top 5 Moments I’m A Cliché

1- When I see a grown man gently playing with a baby/toddler. Heart melted.

2- When I’m in NYC and the train is late. *@#^!@*!@*#&*@!@&(*!@#!@#!!!!

3- When I’m back home and drink my weight in sweet tea. Thanks, Granny!

4- When I have a few cocktails and decide to text message an ex-lovah. Boredom and booze do not mix, ya’ll!

5- When I have nothing to wear…in a closet that could have individual rooms for shoes, accessories, tops, dresses, costume apparel, you name it. Yet still, absolutely nothing to wear.

 

 

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Top 5 Reasons May Is The Best Month Zeus Ever Created

1- April showers bring what you ask? MAY FLOWERS BIATCH!!! Everyone loves a good flower.

2- Memorial Weekend is the unofficial start of summer…and one of heaven’s greatest gifts: Summer Hours. For those of you who don’t live on the tiny universe of Manhattan, “Summer Hours” are NYC’s way of making up for crappy winter weather and the L train. We straight up get off of work early every.single.friday during this glorious season. Booyah.

3- It marks the birth of one of the nation’s greatest social commentators (me, obviously).

4- There are no puffer jackets in sight.

5- No matter what, you know that you have at least three solid months of good weather in your future (which means at least TWO months to get ready for bikini season…amirite?).

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Top 5 Words That Aren’t Used Enough

1- Cacophony- Today, as I waited for a train in Union Square, I was assaulted by the nonstop cacophony in the station.

2- Lascivious- While it is no doubt lascivious in nature, I can’t help but adore Game of Thrones.

3- Loathsome- There is nothing more loathsome than the marriage of strong opinions and weak thoughts.

4- Unbecoming- Don’t talk with food in your mouth darling, it’s unbecoming.

5- Bemused- I was bemused by tonight’s exhibit…which may or may not indicate its worth.

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