Tag Archives: chores

Top 5 Things That Always Throw Me Off

1- Not being able to pump your own gas in New Jersey…it just feels so retro.

2- Hearing “Chuck Bass” from Gossip Girl speak in a British accent…how can this be?!

3- People who thoroughly wash dishes before placing them in the dish washer…how am I supposed to know if they’re clean or dirty?!

4- Short action stars à la Tom Cruise, Mark Wahlberg, and Robert Downey, Jr…I guess the camera really does add 6 inches.

5- The fact that Gwen Stefani is three years younger than my mother…and six years older than Kate Winslet. Fairly certain Mrs. Rossdale has sold her soul to Satan.

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Top 5 Ways To Spot A New Yorker

1- They haven’t operated a washer/drier in years…and have no qualms with a complete stranger handling their undergarments.

2- They experience road rage daily…and don’t even own a car.

3- They couldn’t tell you the last time they had fast food…but know everything on the bodega menu downstairs.

4- They can name all five boroughs…but have no inclination to visit more than two.

5- They walk fast and talk faster…and fully expect you to keep up.

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Top 5 Reasons I Should Maybe Settle Down

1- I’m sick of carrying my own f*&^i@g luggage.

2- I’m petite (i.e. short) and can never reach the top shelf of anything.

3- I figure two minds have a higher likelihood of remembering to put the trash out for pick-up.

4- My mother will kill me if I don’t pass her good looks on to future generations.

5- Jon Hamm isn’t getting any younger.

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