Tag Archives: celebrity

Top 5 Reasons I Didn’t Blog

1- I went to Vegas and was too busy searching high and low for Prince Harry.

2- I visited my grandma in rural South Carolina. She has a dial-up internet connection…’nuff said.

3- I had a gig in San Francisco. I was in perma-shock from the climate and couldn’t write (60 degrees in JULY…are you freaking kidding me?!).

4- I watched a live taping of America’s Got Talent and was thisclose to Scary Spice and Howard Stern. It takes a while to get over something like that. 

5- I got a new JOB! Time is now limited…but beauty products are flowing like wine—Masques, Moisturizers, and Minerals…oh my!

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Top 5 Things A Good New Yorker Will Never Do

1- Take too long in the bagel line. Not only will this get you cursed out before 8 am, it will also ruin your rep at the local coffee shop. Which, we all know, takes years to curate and seconds to dismantle.

2- Placidly take up multiple seats while hoards of people file into the subway car. Do this and you deserve to get jumped [quite possibly by me].

3- Walk in midtown with eyes gleefully aimed towards the sky. Yes, the buildings are big. Yes, it looks *just like* the movies. In other news, people actually have to get work…so speed it up, yo.

4- Fangirl/boy out at the sight of a celeb. Don’t get me wrong, we totally want to…but we have the dedication and wherewithal to save this nonsense for when we are alone/tweeting to all of our friends back home.

5- Act rude or haughty to a taxi driver. We all know they hold the real power.

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Top 5 Things From Which You Just Can’t Recover

1- Forgetting to wash the conditioner out of your hair. If you’re on a time crunch, put it in a bun and swear up and down you’re rocking the “Black Swan” look.

2- Talking smack about someone standing directly behind you. Check yourself before you wreck yourself!

3- Being a Chris Brown fan. If his physical assaultS aren’t bad enough, his Halloween costumes/tattoos/tweets/etc prove he is a horrible human being who does not deserve your money and/or support.

4- Getting embarrassingly intoxicated at a work function. Two drink max, people!

5- Being labeled a “Homewrecker.” Ask Angelina Jolie, it’s been eight years and people still hate her…and she’s a Goodwill Ambassador!! Be nice and wait your turn.

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Top 5 People I Want To Be When I Grow Up

1- Lisa Vanderpump…she’s got the style, she’s got the accent…and have you seen her bod?! Fifty-plus never looked so good, darling.

2- Salma Hayek…beautiful actress, owns a cosmetic line…and just happens to be married to a French multi-billionaire who controls Alexander McQueen, Gucci, Stella McCartney, Yves Saint Laurent and Bottega Veneta. Are you freaking kidding me?

3- Anna Wintour…God Save the Queen!!

4- Jenna Dewan-Tatum.  This one is self-explanitory.

5- Dolly Parton…my celebrity icon since 1988!  ***Yes, that’s when I was two. There are videos to prove it.

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Top 5 Ways To Look Important

1- Carry a planner. Because, obviously, people with plans need a planner. So what if your “appointments” consist of trash pick-up schedules, your (twice-a-year) dental visits, and a wedding you have no intentions of actually attending? One day you might just have to pencil in that date with Ryan Gosling.

2- Wear shades like a boss. Seriously. If you don’t believe me, try it out in the mirror…something about occluding your eyes (**cough, under eye circles) makes you walk taller, speak stronger, and just…stride with confidence. Important people stride with confidence.

3- Keep your accessories sophisticated. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve worn a nice coat over a frumpy tee <bra optional>…paired with a stylish watch, sharp boots, new scarf, and…duh….shades. Even if you’re just running to the market, this look will carry you through the situation with class.

4- Resist the urge to immediately jump out of the way when someone is walking in your path. Important people don’t concede so easily, neither should you. Casually step to the side when you are fairly close to the intruding party, but never (ever!) apologize.

5- Don’t take private calls in public. Nothing kills a sophisticated look like a personal conversation. Uttering phrases like “he did WHAT?!” “Mom, for the last time, I don’t watch CSI…or NCIS…or whatever you’re talking about” or “I’m so upset that Channing Tatum is having a baby” make you less mysterious. Important people are mysterious.

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