Tag Archives: cars

Top 5 Things That Always Seem Suspect

1- The “traffic was terrible/train was delayed/accident on the highway” excuse. Most of us have used this one at some point in our lives…thus no one actually believes it.

2- The sickeningly sweet “do you want to save 10% today?!” request from retailers. Listen sir/madam, I know you don’t care two licks about my savings. What you do care about is meeting your credit card sign-up quota…and frankly, that’s none of my concern.

3- The “unlimited mimosas” trend at local brunch spots. How does this even work?? Does the restaurant not take a beating in profits?? Surely there’s a trick in here somewhere.

4- Any child/teenager that washes your car for no apparent reason. Might wanna go ahead and brace yourself.

5- When a person under the age of 40 goes through and “likes” all of your profile pics. To quote Mariah, why you so obsessed with me?!

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Top 5 Things I Think When It Rains

1- There is no way I should be expected to get out of bed in this weather. Followed by either 1) Thank God it’s the weekend and I don’t have to or 2) $!@&&%$#(@!#&+@(~#~&@!*!#*@!!!!

2- Well, ugly shoes it is…sorry outfit.

3- I can’t go to the gym in this weather! It’s water falling from the sky…what if I get hurt?!

4- Dammit, still need to replace those windshield wipers. Why does this only ever come to mind when it is actually raining and I can’t see anything?!

5- Good, we need that [said in my papa’s deep southern drawl]. You can take the girl outta the country…

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Top 5 Moments Worth The Jail Time

1- Making a U-turn to avoid driving 982348723 miles until the next stoplight.

2- Illegally parking to run to the bank/post office/mailbox for .2 seconds.

3- Standing up for yourself when confronted by a bully. Go ‘head with your bad self.

4- Doing whatever necessary to make your obnoxious seat mate stop snoring. Hey, can I borrow that tissue paper pillow for a sec?

5- Any vehicular damage caused by someone trying to steal your parking spot. I plead not guilty.

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Top 5 Ways To Spot A New Yorker

1- They haven’t operated a washer/drier in years…and have no qualms with a complete stranger handling their undergarments.

2- They experience road rage daily…and don’t even own a car.

3- They couldn’t tell you the last time they had fast food…but know everything on the bodega menu downstairs.

4- They can name all five boroughs…but have no inclination to visit more than two.

5- They walk fast and talk faster…and fully expect you to keep up.

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