Tag Archives: boyfriend

Top 5 Reasons I Might Jump You In An Elevator

1- You say something about Dolly. She is a goddess and I will not hear otherwise.

2- You spill a cocktail on my new Ferragamos. If you can’t handle your alcohol, keep it away from my couture.

3- You do something to hurt my little brother. In this scenario, you gonna need that bodyguard…and about 12 of his beefy friends.

4- You go off on some right wing rant that muddles religion, ethics, and politics into one indistinguishable puddle of idiocy. Or you like Glenn Beck. Same thing, really.

5- You go after my boo. Another reason I think Bey is a robot who just does what she’s told…RiRi would have had to regulate. ***

***See about page for more details.

 

 

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Top 5 Slippery Slopes of Life

1- Dating your ex. True, this one is kind of obvious…but all too commonplace, nonetheless!! There was a reason it didn’t work. Recycle your paper goods not your bad decisions.

2. Buying yoga pants. Chances are, these will very rarely see a half lotus…and their flexible waistbands will ironically lessen the need for physical fitness. Real pants miss you.

3. French fries. Next step: salt, ketchup, ranch, cheese, bacon bits…just pick your poison.

4. Credit cards. They exist for a reason and it’s most certainly not to make your life easier.

5. Social media. A quick check here and there=great. Instagramming each meal=annoying. See life through your real eyes…not through the feedback of others, yo.

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Top 5 Signs You Need To Get Out Of Town

1- You are up-to-date on all of the recent Netflix releases…and consider it quite the accomplishment.

2- You are still hanging out with your ex-boyfriend…and you can’t figure out if it’s because of boredom or genuine affection.

3- You consider housesitting a real adventure.

4- You can’t remember the last time you saw your college peeps…or reminisced about the time that one of you spray painted the house with her cat’s name.

5- You have worn out your welcome at the local Starbucks, Panera, and Au Bon Pain…and have started calling these places your “office.”

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Top 5 Things That Feel Oddly Indulgent

1- Napping in the afternoon on a beautiful, made-up bed…with lots of fancy pillows. It just makes me feel like a fatigued starlet in the 1940s…anyone else?

2- Taking a black car service to the airport. I mean, it may just look like your grandpa’s old Grand Marquis, but something about it can make you feel so luxe!

3- Buying pricey milk and/or paper products. Look who’s not in college anymore!

4- Wearing your boyfriend’s sweater to clean the house. Extra points if it’s cashmere.

5- Saying yes to dessert. At a restaurant. Calories be damned!

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Top 5 Things You Should Stop Doing

1- Placidly standing on the left side of the escalator. That is for the right side. The left side is for people with places to go!! If you get pushed down or punched one day, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

2- Commenting back (individually) to everyone that compliments your new profile pic. While you may think you’re only being polite, it looks a little self-involved and desperate. A simple “Thanks Guys!” should suffice.

3- Running at the gym. Go outside! It’s a tougher workout and you get that VD!

(Vitamin D…what were you thinking?!)

4- Showering with your bf’s soap/shampoo/conditioner all-in-one. It smells awful and is everything/nothing at the same time.

5- Misspelling third grade words. The world notices and hates you for it. 

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