Tag Archives: baby

Top 5 Reasons I Might Jump You In An Elevator

1- You say something about Dolly. She is a goddess and I will not hear otherwise.

2- You spill a cocktail on my new Ferragamos. If you can’t handle your alcohol, keep it away from my couture.

3- You do something to hurt my little brother. In this scenario, you gonna need that bodyguard…and about 12 of his beefy friends.

4- You go off on some right wing rant that muddles religion, ethics, and politics into one indistinguishable puddle of idiocy. Or you like Glenn Beck. Same thing, really.

5- You go after my boo. Another reason I think Bey is a robot who just does what she’s told…RiRi would have had to regulate. ***

***See about page for more details.

 

 

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Top 5 People To Be Avoided On Flights

1- The Chatter. Okay sure, being friendly is nice…but do I need to hear about your health issues and every stamp on your passport? No, not really—so respect the headphones, please.

2- The Snorer. This habit is barely, barely, tolerable in someone you love/are married to/have children with/plan on nursing through old age. When it comes from a stranger, all bets are off…and I’ve got sharp elbows.

3- The Eater. Munch, munch, rustle, rustle, slurp, slurp, crunch, crunch…annoyed yet??

4- The Baby. There is nothing like the terror of seeing a small child approach you on a flight. It’s like The Hunger Games…please, please don’t choose me!!!!!

5- The Mover. You know the guy…needs to get something from the overhead baggage, has to stretch his legs, must go to the restroom for the 90183th time. Sure dude…crawl over me again…it’s not awkward at all!!

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Top 5 Moments I’m A Cliché

1- When I see a grown man gently playing with a baby/toddler. Heart melted.

2- When I’m in NYC and the train is late. *@#^!@*!@*#&*@!@&(*!@#!@#!!!!

3- When I’m back home and drink my weight in sweet tea. Thanks, Granny!

4- When I have a few cocktails and decide to text message an ex-lovah. Boredom and booze do not mix, ya’ll!

5- When I have nothing to wear…in a closet that could have individual rooms for shoes, accessories, tops, dresses, costume apparel, you name it. Yet still, absolutely nothing to wear.

 

 

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