Tag Archives: arbitrary

Top 5 Slippery Slopes of Life

1- Dating your ex. True, this one is kind of obvious…but all too commonplace, nonetheless!! There was a reason it didn’t work. Recycle your paper goods not your bad decisions.

2. Buying yoga pants. Chances are, these will very rarely see a half lotus…and their flexible waistbands will ironically lessen the need for physical fitness. Real pants miss you.

3. French fries. Next step: salt, ketchup, ranch, cheese, bacon bits…just pick your poison.

4. Credit cards. They exist for a reason and it’s most certainly not to make your life easier.

5. Social media. A quick check here and there=great. Instagramming each meal=annoying. See life through your real eyes…not through the feedback of others, yo.

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Top 5 Indicators That We Might Get Along

1- You use your jacket to cover your bag when it rains…and stare in horror at people who use theirs for overhead coverage.

2- You know the difference between Jonathan Jackson and Joshua Jackson.

3- You understand the gist of public transportation and can read a subway map.

4- You like Dolly Parton.

5- You think PDA is the most abominable thing before 11:00 pm…and the most admissible afterwards.

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Top 5 Reasons I Moved To Tennessee (still got mad love NYC!)

1- I visited and fell in love with the city. I promise cute musicians weren’t the ENTIRE reason…

2- Turns out, having your own washer and dryer isn’t just for fairy tales. 

3- Slowly but surely working toward settling down (and by settling down, I mean getting a dog).

4- Walking ten blocks to the doctor/drug store when you’re sick is for the birds. 

5- I’m grown and I do what I want. 

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Top 5 Commuters Who Should Just Disappear

1- The a-hole who sits spread eagle with his (already large) frame. Usually seen taking up 3/4 of the only available bench. Go you-know-what yourself dude.

2- The panicky rico suave who freaks if someone steps on his precious shoes. If they were that nice, you wouldn’t be on the train…mmmk?

3- Anyone who eats anything remotely resembling food. It’s like watching someone eat in the bathroom…Heebiejeebies.

4- The Metrocard fumbler…I don’t care if you have to duck under the turnstile, when that train is coming you better MOVE son!

5- The perv. There’s one on every train and it never gets less awkward or creepy. Blegh!

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Top 5 Rules of Working Life

1- Always be polite and graceful in the elevator. You never know who is coming up to your floor.

2- Don’t forget the therapeutic power of a lunch break. Stopping this time-honored tradition is a slippery slope to crazyville.

3- Wear comfortable shoes…at least on your way there. You can thank me later.

4- Keep an umbrella at the office. And floss. These are two things you never appreciate until they’re gone.

5- Don’t flirt with coworkers. Like ever. It’s unbecoming for all involved. 

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Top 5 Signs You’ve Started A New Job

1- You iron/steam your clothes every day.

2- You arrive at least ten minutes early in the morning.

3- You scoff at all of those job search emails you keep receiving.

4- You have never been more excited about scheduling a dental appointment.

5- You have no clue what is going on around you.

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Top 5 Signs You’re Job Searching

1- You have an exceptionally clean Facebook profile.

2- The word Taleo brings chills to your spine.

3- You have two outfits: interview professional and slob.

4- You have a complex about your résumé…is it enough? is it too much? what do they want?!

5- You actually answer random phone calls.

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Top 5 Things I Learned in Vegas

1- You can bedazzle anything…and I mean anything.

2- Head-to-toe lycra is alive and well…time to fish out the clubwear from 2004!!

3- Gambling is stupid. I lost $60 in 15 minutes and will never do it again.

4- Quoting The Hangover never really does get old.

5- What happens in Vegas…gets Instagrammed. New slogan, ya’ll?

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Top 5 Reasons I Didn’t Blog

1- I went to Vegas and was too busy searching high and low for Prince Harry.

2- I visited my grandma in rural South Carolina. She has a dial-up internet connection…’nuff said.

3- I had a gig in San Francisco. I was in perma-shock from the climate and couldn’t write (60 degrees in JULY…are you freaking kidding me?!).

4- I watched a live taping of America’s Got Talent and was thisclose to Scary Spice and Howard Stern. It takes a while to get over something like that. 

5- I got a new JOB! Time is now limited…but beauty products are flowing like wine—Masques, Moisturizers, and Minerals…oh my!

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Top 5 Ways I Keep It Real

1- Handwritten notes. While it may be prehistoric, my love of stationary requires that I keep up this tradition. Don’t worry though, I still send the obligatory “Happy Birthday” post online.

2- Cowboy boots. No, not the silly little $30 ones from TJ Maxx. Real, live boots…worn with real, live jeans. The kind that have clocked the same amount of hours in the fields as they have on city streets.

3- The ‘Zuk. I’ve had the same car since my senior year of high school. She’s small, has great gas mileage, and above all, doesn’t require any car payments. We’ve been together for 10 years now and I love her dearly.

4- Music. My tastes have not drastically changed since 1996. My typical Pandora rotation goes a little something like this: Tom Petty, Travis Tritt, Rod Stewart, Prince, Billy Joel, Garth Brooks.

5- Public Transit. Nothing more real than that.

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