Tag Archives: airplanes

Top 5 Things You Should Just Forget About

1- Getting a decent parking spot on any college campus. In related news, don’t even try to park illegally…fifty bucks says there is a parking services agent hiding in the bushes. 

2- Wearing your hair down in this heat. Don’t lie girl, you know that ‘do is gonna be in a topknot before you even make it to the subway.

3- Waking up early to work out on the weekend. I’ve told myself this was going to happen, oh, a few THOUSAND times in my life…and I’ve never done it once.

4- Acting funny, witty, smooth, or refined when needed. Sorry player, this is going to be the EXACT moment you knock over your glass and/or get a piece of basil stuck in your teeth.

5- Choosing the “right” line in security. It’s always a gamble…and I inevitably get stuck behind the newb who forgets to take out his laptop…way to hold up the entire.freaking.line. dude…

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Top 5 Skills I’ve Learned In Europe

1- Holding on for dear life. Yes, Ryanair…I’m talking to you. Really though, what can you expect when you pay .50 pence for a flight to Spain (plus taxes of course)??

2- Eating outside. No thank you, I will NOT pay an eat-in fee. C’mon jambon baguette…let’s go sit under the Eiffel Tower. 

3- Avoiding cute flower panhandlers. Not sure what it is, but Europe has much more attractive vagabonds and crooks than we do here in the States. And naturally, they all tell you how beautiful you are…bella americana, indeed.

4- Reading a (real, live) map without the help of my beloved iPhone. No international service brings out the retro in all of us.

5- Asking for ice…and specifically, more than one piece of it. 

 

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Top 5 Things I Didn’t Know About Flying First Class

(…because if they told us, we “minions” would most likely revolt.)

***This post is written as I sit in a Glasgow, Scotland hotel, mere hours after my first experience in first class.

1- Free booze. Say whaaa?! Yep, you got it. All the wine, champagne, and cocktails your little heart desires. Drinks cost you NOTHING and they are refilled before you even notice you’re running low.

2- The food is actually edible. Like, really edible….I’m talking ice cream sundaes and cheese plates, people. Considering how normal airplane food almost always causes me to dry heave into my neighbor’s seat, this is an unbelievable improvement (my neighbor says so, too).

3- YOUR FREAKING SEATS LAY ALL THE WAY DOWN. Holy crap! Frankly, I don’t see how normal-sized people even fly coach. I’m 5’2 and am always cramped for space (especially when the a-hole in front of me decides to recline his seat in my lap). However, in first class, you have a bevy of reclining options. Feet up but back straight? You got it. Feet up and back relaxed for your TV viewing pleasure? No prob. All the way down so you can survive an 8 hour flight and NOT exit the plane looking like an extra from The Walking Dead? But of course!

4- You get human-sized amenities. Peace out Tiny-BabyJesus-Pillow, good riddance you poor excuse for a fleece blanket (a fabric I hate even its most luxurious form)…and hellooo quilted down blanket and fluffy queen-sized head cushion. So nice of you to (finally) grace me with your presence.

5- You get major swag. Like, oh you know, an entire kit of PHILOSOPHY products! Chap stick, hand lotion, facial wipes, eye masks, tissues, toothpaste, toothbrushes, headphones, earplugs, SOCKS, hand sanitizer…all presented in a cute little carrying case! Although–and this is very important–if you don’t want to look like a total newb, you must resist the urge to tastelessly rip into your new acquisitions.

That can wait until everyone is sleeping with their fancy blankets, grownup pillow, and kicked-up feet…or at least until they’re on their fourth glass of (complimentary) vino.

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