Top 5 Ideas That I Don’t Buy

1- The “we’re on a break” cop out. There’s a reason why “a break” sounds a lot like “breaking up”…because they’re the same damn thing.

2- The “he/she has commitment issues” excuse. In most cases, the person just doesn’t like you enough to give up their independence. Brutal, but true.

3- The “purchase two get one free” scam. Unless it’s a necessity (toothpaste, paper towels, soap), chances are you don’t need/wouldn’t buy that extra item ordinarily…so you’re still spending more than you planned. Jedi mind trick for the win.

4- Energy drinks. First of all, they’re disgusting. Second of all, I’ve never felt any energy boosts afterwards. Placebo effect, anyone?

5- The “citizenship” award. Great, thanks. Now where are the real accolades??

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