1- We love you. We really do…and the years of gophering, taking punches, and riding in the back seat will only make you stronger.
2- If you manage to outgrow us, this does not mean you are immune to older sibling seniority. We are still in control…and will continue to address you in your childhood nickname to prove it.
3- In exchange for the servile commitment, we will act as the buffer between your stupid decisions and our parents. You’re welcome.
4- Do not introduce us to your romantic interests if you think there is the *slightest* chance we will consider him/her dumb and unworthy. Ignore this advice and no one leaves the situation unscathed.
5- We’ve been there. And we can probably help. You just might have to do a few things around the house first.